


i can take u places

by xocberry



Series: r.a.m.y.u.n & chill [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: AU, Domestic Fluff, Drunk Texting, Food baby, Jongdae - Freeform, M/M, Minseok - Freeform, Sexual Humor, Smut, TOO MUCH, Texting, Tsunderes, What Have I Done, and annoying, and chen, and xiumin and, between, but I love him, but also loves him, chen is fed up, for a chapter, i dont make sense, just saying, married, text fic, the names will switch randomly, they dont make sense, they should get, xiumin is a ho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-21
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2018-12-05 05:32:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 35
Words: 19,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11571363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xocberry/pseuds/xocberry
Summary: the (mis)adventures of xiuchen





	1. hah. slave

**Author's Note:**

> i constantly ask myself what the heck am i doing

hi

 

hi

 

hey

 

helloooooo

 

how r u

 

im g

how r u

 

g

 

hah. gay.

 

u bitch 

u set me up

what r we doing today

 

why

u wanna go out

?

 

im bored

 

like u

ur boring

 

u bitch

xiumin, im srsly bored

let’s go somewhere

 

i can take u places

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

im gonna ignore that

let’s go to the beach

the weather’s good and ive got time

 

too much time

u boring fuck

 

ok ok 

srry im not exciting

what else do u have in mind?

 

who said i was going with u?

 

like u have any plans besides fucking up on that game u always play

terribly

 

well like u could do any better

 

i will

 

…

¯\\_( ツ )_/¯

idk about that, u boring fuck

 

let me in

im here

 

no

come back with drinks

and food

then ill let u in

 

k

im back

with drinks and food

let me in

 

hah

slave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im just writing this for my own pleasure. LOL. i typically only read chanbaek ff or ot12 (in the exo fandom), so this is new for me to write anyone other than chanbaek. 
> 
> i'm enjoying this a bit too much. 
> 
> pls enjoy~ thanks for reading. :D


	2. the real SD

jongdae

jongD

chEN

where tf did u put my shirt

i was gonna wear that today

 

oh

 

oh?

is that all u have to say

u thief

give it back

along with my pride and dignity

 

what?

not used to bottoming?

why'd u even jump me yesterday, anyways

 

well im not used to u succeeding at anything

i got mad that u were beating me in the game

u fuck

 

so u jumped me???

not making sense here, minnie

 

lets just say i

_ distracted u _

with my body

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

yeah, u mochi bitch

too many drinks, id say

 

not enough cuz there’s still another pack in my fridge

 

well srry to say, minseok

but i dont have ur shirt

or pride and dignity

 

HAH

U LOSER

 

ur* pride and dignity

 

well rip me

i need that shirt

im meeting with sehun

and that lil bitch will judge anyone not wearing gucci

 

that shirt isnt gucci

u dumb fuck

 

close enough

it’s nice

 

dressing to impress the young one, huh?

looking to be a sugar daddy?

 

um no

thats what ur here for

buying me food and drinks at my every command

 

remind me not to buy u anything from now on

 

oh c’mon daddy

 

pls no

there are no daddy kinks here

i will block u

 

lol ok

but still

jongDADDY

 

r u still drunk?

 

who knows~

 

jfc

check the laundry for ur “gucci” shirt

 

ah

found it

it was in the laundry

it’s clean

i promise

 

gonna go meet sehun?

 

yupp

r u free later?

wait. ur always free.

cuz ur boring asf

 

well that was rude

but yes

where r we going

 

to the moon

as my old friend Lu would say

 

oh god

 

jk

_ for now _

there’s a game showcase at the mall

and i don't wanna go alone

if i bring u then i get to enter the giveaways more than those single people

just hold my hand and love me

pretend to be my real SD

 

SD?

 

;)

sugar daddy

 

jfc, xiumin

 

ttyl, babe

time to go meet gucci

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what am i doing?


	3. i thought u were chinese

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one's a long one

 

come get me

slave

i summon thee

i got the money

[IMG attachment]

u see the money?

 

omg did u prostitute for young gucci?

 

what no

only for u

why must u assume the only money i get is from ho-ing around

 

well

 

dont “well” me, u oversized chipmunk

 

ur the one with the huge moon face

 

um it’s a steamed bun face

excuse u

and I'm not referring to UR face

u got a high voice and like nuts

a lot

 

gee thanks

i feel honored

ppl like my voice fyi

but where’d u get the money from?

 

well

 

oh no

 

last night when u came over

 

jfc, minseok

give it back

 

wait

wait wait 

waiiiiiiiit

ur not letting me finish

 

ok.

go on.

( ಠ _ ಠ )

 

SO

yeah, like maybe 1/3 of it is from ur wallet

but the rest is cuz i got a gig

 

sex gig?

 

OMG NO

im disappointed in u, chenchen

 

then what else r u good enough at to make that kind of money?

 

oh u think I'm good in bed

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

no comment

but what gig?

 

im tutoring some kids in Japanese

it pays pretty well

it’s like babysitting but i can yell at them if they’re stupid

 

um

that’s not healthy

and i thought u were chinese

 

u stupid?

im korean

 

but “xiumin”

 

im gonna scream

that’s my stage name, u dumb fuck

 

stage name?

for what?

sex?

 

actually

kinda

since i know japanese and korean

i thought a chinese sounding name would be sexy

 

and indeed it is

 

oh my, u flatter me

wait

u go by chen sometimes

but ur jongdae…

 

how long have we known each other for?

why is it only now that we notice each others’ names

 

way to avoid the question

 

well

 

here we go

 

hey. i can feel u rolling ur eyes

i wont go pick u up if u sass me like that

 

yes daddy

 

jfc, minseok

 

but name why

 

uhhh

idk how it even came about

someone texted the wrong number, thought i was a “chen”

i liked the name

so i started introducing myself as chen

then later saying my real name is jongdae

 

ah

so ur a liar

i like it

;)

 

ok

what time am i getting u?

 

u always have me

;)

 

minnie

srsly

i need to get ready before i go out in public

what time

 

shower now and then leave

i’ll give u 20 minutes to come here

the game showcase starts in 2 hours

 

why so early?

what r we gonna do for the hour and 40 minutes before?

 

shh

dont ask

just believe in me

 

and ur body, i assume

 

GASP

how’d u know?

;) ;) ;) ;)

 

then should i just come over now and get ready later at ur house?

 

hell yeah

 

on my way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i apologize sincerely  
> this is awful  
> and wild  
> like xiumin
> 
>  
> 
> in bed ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


	4. stop making me feel feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> goes from kink to fluff real fast then back to kink (jk) ;)

xiumin why did u spend so freaking much today?

u blew thru that money

 

i blew it like a flute

heh

 

when r u gonna get over luhan

forget about him

 

what if i cant?

 

then what am i?

 

stupid

cuz u thought i was chinese

 

tbf luhan is chinese

and u were with him a lot

 

does that mean all chinese are together all the time

and all koreans are together

and all americans 

and japanese

and french

and german

and wtv other countries there r

 

no

it’s just that u would talk in chinese to him a lot

and u went by xiumin only with him

and

oh

OH

wait

nvm

got it

u ho

 

he needed inspiration for his songs

so i gave it to him

_ everything _

 

blow it like a flute?

 

_ ooh ooh ooh _

 

oh god, minseok

thats rude

i dont wanna hear about it

ugh

brb while i puke

 

dont worry tho

i never had feelings

in general

until now

 

cuz im ur sugar daddy?

luhan never bought u anything, did he?

 

he bought me

JK JK JK

it was mutual and free

 

ok pls stop here

 

-_-

no he didnt buy me anything

he was more of a fwb than anything

 

wait what does that make me

we’re not dating or anything

 

_ yet _

 

yet?

 

yet.

 

hm

 

makes us

umm

fwfab

 

fwfab?

what?

 

friends with feelings and benefits

cuz ik the way u say my name is loaded

with ur love for me

and my body

my mochi body

 

ur face is mochi, not ur body

 

;)

 

but why tf did u buy so much today

rn't u broke now

wtf

 

im nowhere near broke

i just have to stay away from sehun for a while

or i will be

 

ah

was that shirt the only nice thing u have?

i could get u more

 

SEE?

DONT

EVER

BLAME

ME

FOR

MAKING

U

MY

SD

 

oh shit

ur right

dammit i do it to myself

but does that make me a SD

ur older than me

 

SD does not have rules and regulations

they just have money

and buy for their lovers

and u do both

 

fair enough

im pathetic

 

pathetically cute

i liked dating u today

 

whoa

that’s the sweetest thing u’ve said

ever

 

wow. make me into a horrible person, why don't u

 

no no no

i dont mean it like that

it makes me want to claim u

 

oooh?

kink?

 

NO

claim u

like

as mine

…

boyfriend

or SOMETHING idk

 

hmmmm

_ hmmmmmmmm _

HMMMMMMMMMMM

 

ok now i feel awkward

 

but if we date, i don't want u buying me too much

 

why?

 

cuz then i’ll feel like I'm using u

and using ur feelings to be my SD

 

r u saying my feelings r one sided

…

what’s taking u so long to reply

omg i take it back

we don't have to date if it makes u uncomfortable

im fine with being fuck buddies with some feelings

or fwfab as u call it

xiumin

respond

pls

if u don't

im going over to ur house

wait

no

u might want that

i need a response

or something

ugh

 

geez chill dude

i was making food

 

it’s like 2am

 

yeah exactly

 

…

 

i get hungry, ok?

cant a guy just eat when he wants to???

i cant type rn

im eating ramyun

imma call u

answer

3

2

1

ring ring

lol

 

just call, u bitch

 

k imma call now

 

um

whoa

so

we’re together now?

 

i guess

 

like…dating?

 

mhm

 

i can call u my boyfriend?

 

u can call me as u wish

 

oh god

can i come over now?

and finish that ramyun with u?

 

um no

no sharing

 

fuck u

dont u know slang nowadays

or r u too old

 

wow. relationship off to a great start

i dont want u going out this late at night

get some beauty rest

and come to me in the morning

 

if u want beauty rest, i recommend u don't eat ramyun

this late at night

the salt is gonna make u bloated

just saying

 

jfc why didn't u say so earlier

 

cuz i like ur “steamed bun” face

bloated and all

 

stop making me feel feelings

(// ಥ //_// ಥ //)

im too old for this

 

im gonna take ur advice

goodnight

boyfriend

 

oh shut up

i can hear u giggling from all the way over here

 

cant help it

not only do i have ur dick, i have ur heart now, too

 

did u have to phrase it that way?

 

ofc

how else?

 

goodnight 

...

♡

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave kudos if u want more fluffy xiuchen boyfriend-y goodness
> 
> leave comments if u want more dirty xiuchen kinky sinful goodness
> 
> or both for xiuchen feat. luhan. HAHAHA


	5. get up, u bun

wake up

wakey wakey

get up, u bun

 

no

i cant

the world is too bright

is it possible to be allergic to day?

 

this is why u shouldn't eat so late at night

 

but

it’s just so good

i cant resist the ramyun

 

do u have extra?

 

ofc

in my bedside drawer thing

 

what

why

no. I'm not even gonna ask.

 

i get hungry, ok?

 

eat something healthy once in a while

please

for me

 

ramyun can have veggies

 

-.-

im coming over

with real food

 

but it’s too early

im ugly rn

 

no matter how puffy ur face is, i will still love it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short and sweet  
> kinda :3
> 
>  
> 
> kinks coming soon to theaters near u


	6. why r u texting me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have this fear that one day im gonna upload a chapter from this to my other fic called "I'm Always Here"  
> i write them simultaneously, so who knows, it could happen  
> if one day, there's angsty jookyun (monsta x) fluff not in chat format, leave like 10 comments screaming at me
> 
>  
> 
> i say this cuz i almost did it LOL

babe

honey

my luva

my jongdaddy

uhhh

oppa

 

omfg wtf dont u oppa me

that’s sick

wrong

totally wrong

wrong on multiple levels

ew

*shudders*

and

um

why r u texting me

 

why not?

am i not allowed to text my boyfriend?

 

ur sitting next to me

…

 

and?

 

at least go in the other room first

then text me

 

fine.

im on ur bed

how’s the couch?

what’s happening in the drama?

did they do the deed yet?

 

min, it’s a drama

they never do it

only recently do they actually kiss like humans

 

no fun.

:<

 

stop pouting

 

but u kicked me out

 

WE COULD

IDK

TALK???

IRL

not text

u goof

 

but that’s no fun

u know i only speak chinese

 

omfg

i hate u

 

ㅠㅠ

 

stop being racist

 

i take offense

in bed

 

um

what?

 

idk

in bed

 

xiumin what the hell r u doing

 

texting u

in bed

 

r u doing that whole

“in bed” after everything u say

thing?

 

yes

in bed

 

i can hear u laughing

u creep

 

i know u like it

in bed

 

is that an invitation?

 

isn't it always?

in bed

 

ok ok can u chill

and stop

 

i will if u come

in bed

OH THAT FIT SO WELL

 

did u really run out here and back just for a high five?

 

ofc

who do u think i am?

 

ur ridiculous

lololol

 

¯\\_( ツ )_/¯

so r u coming or not?

 

there’s still 15 minutes left of this drama

come back and finish

then we can make some ramyun

 

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

oh so now u get it?

 

tch

even the old folks know that term

 

“old folks”

srry but i don't wanna date a grandpa

 

i take a fence

offense*

 

LMAO A FENCE

xiumin, i will give u all the fences u want

no need to steal them

≧ ∇ ≦

oh

so now ur back to sitting next to me

where r u putting ur head

what r u doing

 

i saw in some anime

the main character using the other’s lap as a pillow

i wanna try it

why u resist me

i think it’d be more romantic if ur phone wasn't in my face

 

BUT UR NOT TALKING

ur only texting

do u expect me to talk out loud in response

 

u could

 

then u should just talk, too

 

but that’s

 

but that's no fun

 

omg

how’d u know

we’ve got a special connection

hehe

fate

 

i question ur sanity sometimes

 

but u love it

 

ur right

wait

earlier when u said u have extra ramyun in ur bedside table

is it cooked?

how is that possible

isn't it soggy?

 

AHHAHAHAHHAHA LOLOLOLOL

 

dont send laughter when ur not laughing irl

that straight face makes me question ur sincerity

omg no

not the pouty face

ugh

 

just a friendly reminder

dont suffocate me every time u try to suck my mochi face

 

i cant help it

ur too cute

answer my question, u hot bun

 

“hot bun” im crying

it’s just a packet

of instant ramyun

that i eat

when I'm desperate

 

just live with me and u wont have to suffer like that

 

(// ಥ //_// ಥ //)

ur too kind

boyfriend of the week award goes tooooo

 

“just a friendly reminder” not to leave visible hickeys

i have a job, u know

 

good

then u can support me like a good wife u r

 

-.-

why do i put up with u

 

cuz u looooooooove me

or so u said this morning

in bed

 

no comment.

 

ack my phone’s gonna die

gtg

 

oh so real-life talking now?

 

who said anything about talking?

u just confessed ur love to me

 

when did i?

 

heh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3 cheers for texting in the same room hah
> 
> i kinda want them to break up and then go back to being fwfab  
> LOLOLOLOL
> 
> someone save chanyeol from those ko ko bop outfits  
> specifically this one https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4RPmtTbFGI


	7. m a s s i v e

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> go to Luhan's instagram (@7_luhan_m) for better understanding of this chapter's title
> 
> don't let that baby face fool u ಠ_ಥ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wanted to post this like...3 weeks after i first started this fic, but i have things planned and im impatient.   
> also, im starting school soon, so idk if i'll have time come mid-August.   
> hence all the updates...

happy 3 week anniversary

 

3 weeks?

it feels like 10 years

and gross

dont be so sentimental

it gives me the creeps

 

but it’s been 3 weeks

the longest u’ve ever been in a relationship for

a _real_ relationship

 

dont jinx it, babe

who knows what could happen

i could get sick of u

 

lol no

 

no?

 

i wont accept that

ever

 

why?

 

cuz im ur wife

 

oh

ok

make me food then

 

dont enforce gender roles here

not all wives’ jobs are to make food and clean

 

ok

then ramyun it is

 

UGH

u and ur ramyun need to chill

ur in a more committed relationship with ur ramyun than with me

and im the one ur dating

if u didn't realize

 

yah

ik

who else would i share my ramyun with?

not luhan

that bitch

he’d eat it all

dont let that baby face fool u

his body is ripped

m a s s i v e

he can devour any food u put in front of him

LOCK UR FRIDGE AND CABINETS

if u ever have him over

 

unlikely

 

oh yeah

u dont know him

do u know anyone?

i already met with sehun

and i told u about luhan

 

ofc i know ppl

 

but do u

ur so clingy

it’s like im the only one u know

 

ur my number one

but yeah ik ppl

im actually gonna meet someone rn

in a few hours

 

on our 3 week anniversary?

GASP

u cheater

 

:/

 

:\

 

:|

 

:s

 

:(

 

:)

oh shit

u got me

 

LOL

 

oh well

im happy

not gonna lie

 

why?

i thought u were incapable of emotion

 

（´・｀ ）♡

 

oh

oh my

 

u make me happy

and feel gross things

 

i make u horny?

 

no.

that’s not a gross thing

that’s a beautiful thing

means i want ur babies

 

did u fail bio or smth?

u cant have babies

neither can i

 

then explain my growing belly

 

r.a.m.y.u.n

at obscene hours of the night, too

 

then it’s my baby with my ramyun

ur gonna have to take care of him

i already named him

 

what’d u name ur food baby?

 

…

Baekhyun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> forgive me, for i have sinned
> 
> but hey, i got the whole CBX in here feat. Luhan ;)
> 
> did anyone catch my "Girl Problems" reference??? Does anyone listen to CBX's songs other than the MVs??? "ur my number one" is my direct reference to the lyric "'cause you are my number one" that leads into the chorus. Their "Girls" album is LIT. 
> 
> cries cuz i love CBX more than i love myself.


	8. this is #healthy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> darn hunhan ruining everything :<
> 
>  
> 
> JK JK just read :3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> xiumin is my 2nd bias (chanbaek is my #1 for now, just saying), so dont get me wrong with the way im creating his character. i love xiumin soooooo much and i find him real fun irl. 

minseok

 

yes?

 

i was out with kris today

and he said some strange things

 

and?

 

like um

he said that u

 

oh shit

 

uhhh

that u were texting suho and denied dating me

and ofc suho would tell kris

they’re practically married

 

i didn't know u were close with kris

 

we’ve been close for years

but that’s beyond the point

why’d u deny it?

do u not wanna date me?

r u ashamed or smth?

 

well

i cant text this

pick up so i can talk

 

ok

dude u hung up so fast

but i got it

kinda

why don't u want the others to know tho?

i understand that they might judge or whatever

but i feel like all ur friends r gay for each other

 

it’s not that

it’s just

i dont want them trying to influence u or anything

like tell u things that might make u misunderstand

like

 

things about luhan?

 

yeah.

that.

they still believe im “with” lu

but BELIEVE ME im not

we’re just friends

and i haven't seen him in months

not since he moved back to china

 

so rather than saying ur with me now

u just deny everything?

why not just tell them?

then they’ll stop mentioning luhan

 

hah.

if only.

they’ll probs turn it around and say ur a rebound

that i cant get over the break up

but

we

weren’t

romantically

involved

in the first place

just

 

fwb?

 

EXACTLY

u get me

♡

 

♡

 

don't misunderstand anything if i tell the guys

idk why but i fear sehun the most

he always eyed luhan when we were a thing

he might try to ruin us

 

or he could take luhan out of ur hair

 

oh good point

this is why i love u

i can freely talk about these things

and u can help me

this is #healthy

 

unlike ur eating habits

wait

wait

whoa

whoa

wait

what

just

the fuck

omg

minnie

did u just say u love me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> food baby baek is gonna make his return shortly~ ^.^


	9. turns out im not pregnant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> will xiumin's obsession with ramyun ever end?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk why im making min so obsessed with ramyun... oh well~

[IMG attachment]

 

omfg the ramyun

i swear

wait

r u naked

why do u have a bowl of ramyun on ur dick

 

im keeping warm

with my love

spending quality time with baekhyun’s daddy

 

im disturbed

 

[IMG attachment]

 

oh makes sense

u should stop drinking

i think it’ll do us both a favor

and maybe turn off ur phone before u regret anything

 

but then who else am i gonna talk to

my ramyun wont talk to me

he’s giving me the silent treatment

got angry with me when i went to the gym the other day

 

omfg is baekhyun…

 

yeah. pretty much gone

turns out im not pregnant

whew

im not ready for that type of responsibility

 

thank goodness

im not ready to raise a child either

i still have u to take care of

 

r u calling me a child?

 

yeah ofc

u cant do shit

 

then can i call u daddy?

 

FUCK NO

 

ooh passionate

i like it

;)

[IMG attachment]

 

where’d the ramyun go?

 

i spilled it

on my bed

cuz u dont wanna be my daddy

ㅠㅠ

 

gross

it’s gonna stain

clean it

 

i asked the gaming forum

“how do u get ramyun out of ur bed”

and there are no responses

they don't love me

ㅠㅠ

 

first

remove ur sheets and bedding

go put them in the laundry

and put clothes on

then come over

 

but my bed

 

this is why i said we should just live together

ugh

 

“ugh”

 

dont mock me

lol

but just come over

stay at my house tonight

i’ll go clean ur ramyun covered bed in the morning

 

i can't drive

drunk

 

walk

 

WHAT

but im so cute

someone’s bound to swoop me up

and steal me away from u

 

it’s a 10 minute walk

the worst that could happen 

is u assaulting ppl with ur loud af singing

 

fence i take

 

wtf

 

did u shower today?

 

no? not yet

i was about to

 

dont

 

what?

why?

 

cuz i need to

 

then take one before u come

 

but im almost there

 

oh

 

;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who wants them to live together? :3


	10. 1. ramyun, 2. me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i update so often

what’s a “cha cha beat boy”?

 

why r u asking me?

 

i thought u would know?

 

ur not wrong

i do know

lol

 

ok so what is it

 

it’s a type of drink

u should go to a bar and order it

 

:<

i tried

ppl gave me strange looks

 

have u heard of google?

 

whats that?

new technology?

yes, u fucker

of course ive heard of it

 

then why ask me

 

cuz i wanna talk to u :3

and figure out the meaning

all at once

 

idk whether to find that cute

or just annoying

 

the former

pls

 

ok :)

it’s the tagline of a producer

he's an american singer and producer

works with various korean idols and groups

like red velvet

ur favorite

and others like u-kiss, nu’est, shinhwa

plus more

mostly works with jay park

they friends

 

whoa

jongdae

ur so smart

how’d u know all that

 

well

google

 

oh

wow

jongdae

ur such a hard worker

for me

 

thanks i try

anything for u

(not anything actually. most things tho)

 

not anything?

what wouldn't u do

hmmmm?

 

3some

im not into that shit

 

oh

 

is that all u have to say?

 

no

i just didn’t realize u thought of me that way

lol

 

idk

u have kinks

 

just cuz my sex name is chinese doesn't mean im kinky

 

dude

u ate ramyun off me the other night

 

ok that was a one time thing

i wanted to combine the 2 things i love most

ramyun and u

 

why do i feel like that’s the ranked order?

1\. ramyun, 2. me

 

idk

 

if u had to give up one of us (me or ramyun)

what would u choose

 

that’s really hard to say

 

it shouldn't be omg

 

but how would i live

ramyun is my staple food

 

THAT shouldn't be either

 

well it is

hmm

id choose to give up ramyun

 

omg ur so sweet

i love u

 

cuz there’s always naengmyeon

or soba

or udon

or spaghetti

i could drown that in hot water

 

i take it back

 

dont worry babe

i wouldn't die without ramyun

there r replacements for it

not for u tho

id die without u

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow. dramatic, much?
> 
> maybe it's not that minseok has a ramyun addiction but i do...
> 
> it was my favorite food until i found out im allergic to wheat and soy and practically every staple food there is. LOL
> 
> sob sob


	11. chinese inspiration

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tbh when i first saw exo, i thought xiumin was part of the maknae line and chinese. then upon closer inspection, i realized i was totally off.
> 
> ive been looking at so many pics of xiumin and chen (separately, but still). i sorta cant believe that chen was once my least favorite member of exo...i dont have a least favorite anymore. now that i love them all...but still. strange.  
> he's so cute ugh. they're all so cute. im laying in a puddle of my emotions. why do i love them more than my own friends???  
> this isnt healthy LOL
> 
> sorry for this mess of a chapter ;)

so i told junmyeon

 

?

what’d u tell him?

about us?

 

that im gay

 

-.-

dude that was obvious

cuz luhan

 

but everyone thought lu was a girl

so being with lu made me look not gay

 

straight?

 

not gay.

 

oh

but u still didn't tell suho about us?

 

lemme finish, u impatient marshmallow

 

why am i a marshmallow

 

dont ask

it’s a secret

 

…ok

 

so i told him i was gay

and he laughed

and teared up

and i got scared

like

“should i take him in?”

“where’s the closet asylum?”

thoughts went through my head

 

um

 

and then he got his phone out

and called yifan

 

ofc

 

he told yifan to tell u

as if i don't talk to u already

so if u get a message from yifan

it’s probs about my sexual orientation

but idk why they'd tell u first

 

LOL OMG

HAHAHAHAH OFC THEY’D DO THAT

i just got texts from kris

 

ooh? what’d he say?

 

“go snatch him”

“it’s sexy time”

“fuck him up”

“i believe in u”

“hwaiting~  ♡ ”

exactly what he said

 

idk if i should be weirded out by that

 

they all know

 

know what?

 

that ive wanted u

since the beginning

first time i saw u, i was with kris

and accidentally said some stuff out loud

thought i was thinking it

nope

loud and clear for yifan’s ears

 

OMG

 

ever since then he’d make fun of me

but kinda stopped when luhan and u became

fwb

 

forget lu

what’d u say to kris tho

( ◕◡◕✿ )

 

i dont remember

 

yes u do

i know u know

…

i’ll let u top next time

 

deal.

idk what i said but ik i first saw u

u were taking a selca with 

with suho maybe

kris noticed me blushing

like i never blush

 

yah

u do

LOL

 

regardless…

i might've said like

“he’d look better with me”

and

“how the fuck is someone so fucking adorable fuck me”

or something

 

AHAHAHAHA

SO MANY FUCKS

ALL FOR ME

so u got to know me cuz u wanted to take selcas with me?

am i just a face to u

a baozi face

( ＠⌒ー⌒＠ )

 

omg that’s so u

idk

u looked so smol and cute

and u were doing that thing with ur cheeks

making them all puffy

i just wanna squeeze ur face most of the time

but fuck ur so loud and strong

 

and older

 

im conflicted

it's hot

ur hot

god damn

 

we can take more selcas if u want

 

that’s not the point here lol

 

continue~

 

um

ok

so as i got to know u

there were so many times where i just

just wanted to ask u to be mine

or something

but i didn't know if ud get creeped out

or swing my way

but then luhan came in

and i lost my chance

 

eh

so-so

i never really dated luhan

i told u

chinese inspiration

 

gross

but still

no matter how much i loved u

i wouldn't want to share u with anyone

thats why i was ok with being “fwfab” with u

cuz i felt like

as long as there’s something

i’ll be ok

 

[IMG attachment]

 

omG ur so cute

asdfghjkl

 

[IMG attachment]

[IMG attachment]

[IMG attachment]

[IMG attachment]

 

im wheezing

im gonna have a heart attack or something

 

[IMG attachment]

 

xiumin

pls

i cant

 

chennie-chennie

how’d u feel if i took u up on ur offer?

 

what offer?

 

let me move in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the selca chen was referring to   
> https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/3f/6c/b6/3f6cb68344979768f0e964611b591b0c.jpg
> 
> so originally, i was gonna make it like a "god i wonder how he shouts in bed" and have the convo lean towards sexual intention, but then ive been watching so many xiumin videos and im not feeling good, so i totally changed the ending to make it all fluffy and warm.  
> tbh what made me change my mind was xiumin's "marshmallow~" thing and then him calling chen his wife and just them together taking selcas and being so couple-like. ive seen those clips before, but watching them again made me feel the NEED to change the direction from "let's see what makes me scream" to cute fluffy romance that makes me wanna puke. HEHE


	12. urso?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> get ready for this one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how do i choose these titles? i just read and pick my favorite line. btw urso is a brand for cholesterol medicine and it also means bear. read and u'll find out how it fits the story. LOL
> 
> i look at chen's selcas for inspiration and i listen to ka-ching when im having bad days. *instant good mood*

minnie

 

yes, chennie?

 

lol

so i was just at the store getting some extra stuff for the house

and u wouldn't believe what happened

 

wut

 

the cashier was a guy around my age maybe

idk im guessing

he looked young tho

and cute

ur cuter tho

but guess what his name was

 

luhan?

 

baekhyun.

his name is byun baekhyun

 

I JUST SCREAMED

HAHAHAHA

MY BABY IS REAL

BRING HIM HOME TO PAPA

I’LL BE HIS DADDY

U CAN BE THE MOMMY

 

that’s the thing

i invited him over

next week

he’s gonna bring his boyfriend, too

 

why is everyone we know gay?

even the strangers?

 

is sehun?

 

i have my suspicions

he’s still eyeing luhan

even tho luhan’s in china

 

wow

what great eyesight

id kill for those eyes

 

and id kill for yours

they’re so perfect and easy to get lost in

ahhh

 

[IMG attachment]

 

ew

keep ur eyes open or closed

or wink

just not half half

 

i thought u said ud kill for my eyes

 

stop trying to be ugly

it wont work no matter how hard u try

 

[IMG attachment]

 

id still fuck that

 

good to hear

how’s packing going?

need any help?

 

nah

im g

almost done

i didn't have much anyway

now the troublesome part is this house

i can get rid of its contents

but idk what to do about the house itself

 

hm?

 

sorry to be a pessimist

but what if we realize living together isn't the best thing for us

and then where do i go?

buy another place?

rent somewhere?

what stability do i have then?

meanwhile ud be fine cuz its ur place

 

its not pessimistic, it’s realistic

not all relationships last forever

but i’d like to try

and if it doesn't work out

ill buy u a place

u can screenshot and save that forever

hold it against me

 

even if we hate each other’s guts?

 

even then.

i will make sure u have a roof over ur head

that u can call ur own

 

but technically the roof i will be under would be urs

 

add an o

 

urso?

 

no, u bun

_ours_

and if u don't wanna feel like ur taking too much

then u can pay some rent

:D

ik u make bank with that japanese tutoring

 

they’re fun

the kids

even tho i yell at them for being stupid

u should meet them

and i take ur word for it

i have it screenshotted and saved in multiple places

labeled “IF THE BITCH STILL LIVES”

 

gee thanks

 

what if i really hate u

then id click that over something like

“my lovely chennie is whipped”

 

true

 

what part?

 

all of it

love u

 

u too

mwah

 

whats that

 

me kissing u thru the phone

 

why not kiss me irl

im here

 

ooh yay!

delivery!

 

wtf babe

just open the damn door

 

coming~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im considering possibly making this pt 1 of some weird shitty xiuchen/chanbaek/kaisoo/krisho or sulay/hunhan/taoris or taolay (whichever pairings i choose to use) chat series. 
> 
> cuz if xiuchen live together now...then they can just talk in person. and having a chat fic between the two would be a whole lot of chapter 6 with different convos. and i dont want this to have angst at all. no fights. just nice fluff and sex talk/jokes. but i also dont wanna contaminate the purity that is "i can take u places". 
> 
> if i get #inspired, i'll probably make subsequent fics with different (or the same) characters. 
> 
> knowing me, i'll probably make this a series. sorry to say.
> 
> HOWEVER, i have small chapters/updates ready for this fic, but they're saved for later. like special occasions. *cough cough* christmas *cough cough* wow the air is really dry here. LOL. so if i mark this as complete, just know that come christmas, there will be additional chapters here. just like. little presents. coal or gold. who knows.
> 
> writing these things makes me feel good. like i actually have a hobby other than lazing around and eating food.
> 
> wow i wrote an essay in this note. (my notes are getting longer each chapter...) 
> 
> oh well. BYE FOR NOW.


	13. never set foot in our house again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> xiumin threatens chen  
> caution: cringey trends are mentioned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> real stuff goes down in this chapter. grab some ramyun.

which do u think is hotter

ramyun or spaghetti

off my body

 

what is this question even…

 

just think about it

 

i think spaghetti is easier

ur talking about eating it and using ur body as the plate

right?

 

yah ofc

who do u think i am

 

gotcha

umm

well ramyun tastes best with the broth soup stuff

so that’d be messy and just weird

 

dont attack my love

 

and u already had it off me

 

oh yeah

so spaghetti it is

sauce or no sauce?

 

SAUCE

 

whoa

ur more into this than i thought

 

ok but why the sudden urge for body food

 

idk

im out getting food and stuff for my baby baek and his husband

 

boyfriend*

 

sure whatever

and i low-key got turned on when looking at the noodles

 

OMFG

IN THE STORE?

 

yes

where else?

say something un-hot to distract my dick

 

ummm

junmyeon and yifan role-played last night

according to yifan

 

gross

what'd they do

 

i think junmyeon wore cat ears

and yifan was his owner

 

oh my god

animal cosplay

i cant

 

r u good now

 

mostly

oh

i see sehun

im totally fine now

 

sehun’s there?

 

yeah

OH

MY

GOD

ASDFGHJKL

 

WHAT

WHAT HAPPENED MINNIE

 

LUHAN IS HERE

WTF

FUUUUCK

WHAT OH MY GOD

THAT FUCKER

LIL SHITS

 

?????

 

THEY’RE TOGETHER

OHMYFUCKINGGOD

 

sehun and luhan???

 

YESSS

suspicions confirmed btw

I KNEW THAT LITTLE GUCCI BITCH WANTED TO STEAL MY OG MAN

 

“og man”

im slightly hurt

_slightly_

 

ur my only man

he’s my og man

 

[IMG attachment]

 

dont raise ur eyebrows at me

u cutie

 

i try

 

;)

can u come pick me up babe

i walked and now i dont wanna walk back with groceries

 

lol ok

no prob

can u wait a bit tho?

im in the middle of something

it’ll take like 15 more minutes

 

yeah that’s fine

i have nothing frozen

thank god

that shit would melt in this heat

 

it’s kinda sweater weather

ya know

 

it’s hot to me

im feeling hot

 

:/

u ok?

should we check if u have a fever when we get home?

buy some soup while ur waiting

i could make some, but id rather u have it asap

 

oh but homemade sounds so good rn

 

have some now

i’ll make some later

ok?

 

( ❁ ´ ◡ ` ❁ )

mhm, my love

my lovely chennie-chennie

#wifestatus

 

im glad i can be ur wife

:|

nothing emasculating about that

lololol

 

but ur my wife

♡

my lovely lovely wife

 

i really do think ur sick, min

i’ll try to get there sooner

 

i’ll just wait

im fine

take ur time

ew

luhan and sehun r approaching

what do i do

they’re holding hands

too much pda for me

ahhhhh

i must run away

 

just be cool

lol

 

welp

they talked to me for 5 minutes

i feel like im gonna pass out

lu moved back

he’s living with sehun

lol

 

oh that’s good

i guess

 

i told them I'm with u

and that we’re gonna meet our baby this week

 

omg

the phrasing

why

 

they looked shocked

i let them be

they’ll never know

 

wow

savage

 

i’ll kick u out if u say that again

 

what

savage?

 

never set foot in our house again

u little traitor

 

babe

u dabbed this morning after getting out of bed

ur worse than me

 

it waS A JOKE

and whats taking u so long

im gonna have another baby at this rate

i’ll name him d.o

 

d.o?

why the acronym?

 

stands for “dabs only”

 

should i just leave u there

 

but ud starve

 

there’s food here

plenty of it, too

idk why u went out to get more

 

um

spaghetti

on my body

i wanna try something new

 

not if u have a fever

 

but then the food will stay warm

;)

 

*rolls eyes*

 

*rolls body*

 

*rolls potatoes*

 

what why potatoes

u potato

 

im not a potato

i had no other ideas for what to roll

 

oh i have many

 

ofc u do

 

*rolls dice*

 

HAHAHAH

i could've thought of that one

ahhh

 

ahhh?

 

(happy sigh)

 

ah

(sign of understanding)

 

lol

im done

finished~~~

im leaving now

where r u gonna be?

 

i can meet u out the front

 

mkay

i’ll be there shortly

♡

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol u thought there'd be angst cuz of the title? LOL NO  
> (the "real stuff" was just the reality of krisho and hunhan...plus the cameo of kyungsoo through a name)
> 
> T-1 or 0 chapters till their meeting with bby baekyeol :D
> 
> dabs only tho...that's what i now think of when i see pics of D.O. poor kyungsoo. ive ruined ur stage name. LOL  
> but still...id rather see more dabs than hear "savage"  
> dabbing at least looks cool in kpop choreographies COUGH COUGH CHANYEOL AND SUHO (and everyone else) IN KO KO BOP  
> like...just imagine if it was a thing for kpop idols to just sing/scream "SAVAGE" in their songs..id probs unstan all except monsta x and exo. i can forgive them for any cringe fest.


	14. ever-kinky-chinese-dirty-talking xiumin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> minnie meets baby baek

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, so sometime between the previous chapter and this chapter, xiuchen ate spaghetti off each other. this takes place after that sin occurred.  
> so here's to reading this chapter while thinking about how chen licked the sauce off xiumin's body probably the night before. 
> 
> LOLOLOLOL  
> you're welcome for that visual（≧∇≦）

“Minnie, are you done making the spaghetti? They’re gonna be here any minute now,” Jongdae whined, arms snaking around his lover’s waist from behind. He rested his chin on the other’s shoulder and buried his face in the crevice of his neck.

 

“Stop it, that tickles,” Minseok couldn’t help but laugh at the younger’s attempts to distract him from preparing the four’s meal. Turning his head, he kissed his boyfriend’s fluffy-haired head before lightly kicking him in the shin.

 

“I can't finish with you being like this, wife. And wait. If you’re the wife, why aren’t _you_ making dinner?”

 

Switching tactics, Jongdae began trailing kisses up and down the neck he claimed. “Because,” he said in between pecks, “We. Don’t. Follow. Stereotypes. Here. And I like watching you make food. It’s domestic,” he added with a smirk and patted Minseok twice on the belly before releasing the older from his embrace.

 

“Mhm, mhm. Whatever,” the older joked, returning his attention to the nearly-ready pasta in front of him. He hummed cheerfully as he finished preparing dinner and watched as Jongdae set the table. 

 

“You should roll your sleeves up like that more often,” the older said as he licked his lips, eyeing Chen’s forearms. “You’re looking more JongDaddy than anything with that get up.”

 

With a raise of an eyebrow and a mocking scoff, the younger responded, “Doesn’t this count as some sort of harassment? Don’t eye-fuck the innocent, little me.” He crossed his arms over his chest as some weak form of protection but knowingly showing off his forearms to the other.

 

“Hah. Innocent? Yeah, right. I don’t think innocent is the right word to describe you, Chennie. Last night was—“ 

 

He was cut off by a knock on the door.

 

“—Far from innocent,” he finished with a quick kiss to his boyfriend’s lips. “You should bring the guests in since my baby is familiar with you. Oh, I'm so excited to finally meet my child, you have no idea,” Xiumin practically sang as Jongdae headed for the door.

 

“Oh, I know,” he muttered playfully rolling his eyes with a ghost of a smile. 

 

Minseok came up from behind to greet the guests and his jaw dropped when he saw the giant standing at the threshold of his (and Jongdae’s) house. “Whoa. You’re huge. How much milk do you drink?”

 

The tall guy burst into laughter at the host’s question, leaning on his boyfriend for support. “Baek, I already love them. He’s hilarious.” Redirecting his attention and attempting to calm himself down, he offered his hand out to the oldest of the four. “I’m Chanyeol, Baekhyun’s boyfriend. Thanks for inviting us over.”

 

He flashed an adorable smile before shaking Chen’s hand as well. “I’m Minseok, but I also go by Xiumin, the true owner of this house, and this is my wife, Jongdae, who also goes by Chen,” Xiumin played, earning a rightfully deserved glare from Chen.

 

“Ignore him. This was originally _my_ house and I’m his boyfriend. He’s weird.”

 

“He’s cute,” Baekhyun added. “I’m Baekhyun by the way. I heard from Jongdae that you were excited to meet me?” He turned the conversation towards Minseok.

 

“Yes, yes. Please, come in,” Xiumin led the guests to the dinner table. “I hope you’re fine with spaghetti. It’s the only dish I can make really well.”

 

Baekhyun smiled. “We’re good with anything. Thanks for making it.”

 

“Anything for my child,” Minseok mused. Jongdae shot him a concerned look and kicked him under the table.

 

Chanyeol glanced at his boyfriend, confusion shining at its best. Baekhyun cocked his head, also unsure of what the eldest meant.

 

“Well, if we’re all just gonna sit here in silence after that crap he spewed, we might as well eat,” Jongdae tried to break the awkward air that loomed over the four. 

 

Xiumin, out of no where, started cracking up and laughing until he started to wheeze. Once he could finally breathe again, he explained, “I eat a lot of ramyun—“

 

“More than a lot. Make that ‘too much’ ramyun,” Chen interjected and clarified.

 

“—Regardless, I eat ramyun religiously. And one day, drunk or not, who knows, I started getting fat and named my food baby Baekhyun. No reason. That name just came to mind. But then later on, I exercised off that belly and ‘Baekhyun,’” he used air quotes around the name, ”was no longer with us.”

 

“Then when he was moving in with me, I went to the store to buy supplies and whatnot. That’s where I met you, who coincidentally had the same name as his damn food baby. I am so sorry for how strange this is. I couldn’t help but invite you over because that would just make his fucking week,” Jongdae finished their story.

 

Baekhyun just sat there and stared at the two quietly for a moment before confessing, “To be honest, I have a houseplant named Chen, so that’s kinda why I wanted to meet up again.”

 

The four of them laughed loudly for minutes with Chanyeol repeatedly saying variations of, “I really _really_ like these guys. Oh my god.”

 

“So wait, how old are you two?” Baekhyun asked after dinner.

 

“I’m 27 and he's turning 25 in about two months.”

 

“Whoa. You’re older? No offense, but you seem like you’d be the youngest out of all of us. You’re just so, uh, so—“

 

“You’re so fucking cute,” Chanyeol chimed in. “You’re fucking adorable. How do you even live?”

 

Minseok blushed slightly and asked, “What about you two? What’re your ages?”

 

“I’m 24 and he’s 25. Well, I’ll be 25 in November.”

 

“So _you’re_ the baby here. With _that_ height? What is the world becoming?” Xiumin jested and cursed the world. “How tall are you, by the way?”

 

“About 184 centimeters last time I checked.”

 

“Fuck. That’s more than 10 centimeters taller than me.” He snapped his gaze to Baekhyun. “Baek, where did you find such a guy? Where can I get one?”

 

“Hey! What kind of ho are you?” Jongdae lightly slapped Minseok's thigh.

 

“Even Luhan was taller than me, Chennie,” the eldest whined playfully.

 

“Luhan? Like Sehun’s Luhan?” Chanyeol quietly asked, question directed more towards himself than anyone. 

 

But Xiumin heard. “OH MY GOD. YOU KNOW THEM?” He nearly shrieked. “Hold on, I’m gonna invite them over now.” He pulled out his phone and sent a quick text. 

 

_gucci_

_bring your boy toy_

_and like 80 million drinks_

_we going hard_

_chanyeol and baek are here_

_i think you know at least one of them_

 

_Chanyeol?_

_like musician giant, Chanyeol?_

 

“Are you a musician?” Xiumin looked up from his phone to the tall one in question.

 

“Uh, yeah. I guess. I play a few instruments, sing, rap, dance, make music, do gigs. I guess I’m a musician?”

 

“Of course you are, you piece of humble shit,” Minseok couldn’t help but giggle at Baekhyun’s snide comment about the giant. _That’s my baby,_ he thought.

 

_yeah. musical genius, id say_

_he’s tall and hot_

_we talking about the same one?_

 

_definitely_

_if you’d tap that ass, then it’s the right one_

 

_why?_

 

_cuz we apparently have the same taste in ass_

 

_LMAO_

 

_So u want me to bring Lu?_

 

_mhm._

_it’d be awkward for u to 5th wheel_

_cuz ur bringing drinks_

_i dont want any accidental 3somes_

_as much as id be down for it_

_my lovely chennie isnt_

 

_whoa ur respecting ppl now?_

_what happened to ever-kinky-chinese-dirty-talking xiumin?_

_did we lose him in the fire?_

 

_dude im still kinky asf_

 

_as kinky as that time 3 years ago?_

 

_shhhh_

_we dont speak of that_

_i dont think anyone knows we fucked like that_

_or at all actually_

_pls dont ever bring that up_

 

_no problem_

_dont worry_

_id also rather Lu not know of it_

_LOL_

_but tbh_

_ur really good_

 

_oh u flatter me_

_too bad im forever taken now_

_missed ur chance, gucci_

 

_Lu’s out of the shower now_

_we on our way_

 

_with drinks_

 

_ofc_

 

_k good_

_see u soon_

_here’s the address_

_[FILE attached]_

"Okay, so Sehun’s on his way with Luhan. And they’re bringing drinks.”

 

“I hope you guys don’t mind, but Kris and Suho are coming, too,” Chen announced warily.

 

Chanyeol stood up excitedly. “I’m game. The more the merrier. Man, I really like you guys.”

 

Baekhyun just smiled and took his boyfriend’s hand. “We drove here, so is it okay if we just stay the night as well? I hope that’s not asking too much,” he asked somewhat nervously.

 

“Oh, not at all. Minnie, clean up from dinner and I’ll go set up the guest rooms. I feel like everyone’s gonna end up crashing here tonight,” Jongdae said with a hint of regret. 

 

The night was just getting started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will have a little bit of an M rating cuz 6 of them will be partying together. and idk. there's some more than lowkey smut? like midkey smut, id say. lololol how cute. 
> 
> i don't wanna rate the entire fic M, so next chapter is M. i'll write that in the summary of the next one, as well as here. Just a fair warning. (or blessing, who knows). 
> 
> But omg why did I hint at Xiuhun???? The oldest and the maknae. I cry. It was so tempting. hehe ( *ˊᵕˋ) 


	15. i'd be his baby any day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i thought i'd have this party down in 2 chapters, but looks like i'm splitting this one in 2. so a total of 3 paragraph-style chapters for this get together.  
> this one's not M rated, the next one will be tho.

Surprisingly, Suho and Yifan arrived before Sehun and Luhan did. So before any drinks were available for consumption, the six young men had to overcome any awkward formalities that came with self introductions and stories of how they all met. 

 

Which meant that Minseok had to once again explain his food baby Baekhyun to his other friends. Sober. 

 

_get ur gucci ass over here_

_i need drinks_

_hurry_

_if u don't come within the next_

_11 minutes_

_i will out u to luhan_

_he will know about_

_how u like_

 

_ok ok ok_

_shut the fuck up, old man_

_im literally outside_

_so fucking impatient, u r_

 

_so disrespektful, u r_

_door’s open_

_walk urself in_

_give ur hyung a drink_

_or should i say_

_ur “oppa”_

 

_shut up_

 

_i know ur kinks_

_now give me the strongest thing u have_

 

Their texted ceased as Xiumin began taking shots, wanting to do away with any awkwardness the rest of the night might bring.

 

“Dude, this is like a gay bar,” he said with astonishment at his realization. “We got drinks and three sets of gays. It’s like a combo set.”

 

“What are we, fast food?” Luhan laughed.

 

The last couple to arrive came in luck because they already knew everyone in some way or another. No introductions necessary. They were the official ice breakers, bringing drinks for the rest to drown their nerves away with.

 

Already on his seventh shot of soju, Minseok felt the alcohol finally hit him. 

 

“Whoa, sweetie. You should really take it slow,” Jongdae worriedly advised as he rubbed circles on his lover’s back. “It’s hardly been an hour and you’re already on your second or third bottle. Babe, please. I don’t want you passing out tonight.”

 

In response, Minseok shifted his legs and laid them across Jongdae’s lap. “I’m gonna take a quick nap,” he murmured drowsily, resting his head on the other’s chest. 

 

“You guys are too cute, I’m gonna fucking die. Baek, if we ever split, I’m going after Minseok. He’s a fucking baby mochi despite his age,” Chanyeol gawked at the sleeping guy across from him. Chen glared in response, “mine” written all over his face.

 

“I don’t think mochi have babies?” Baekhyun slurred.

 

“But you’re Xiumin’s baby?”

 

“Oh yeah.” Baekhyun giggled. “That’s right. I am a mochi’s baby.”

 

Suho was the only near-sober one in the room. “You actually accept that you’re that dude’s child?”

 

“If I’m the product of ramyun and that really adorable yet sexy guy, then yes. I would gladly accept it.”

 

“Yo, me, too. I’d be his baby any day.”

 

“But Chanyeol, you’re too tall to be anyone’s child here,” Kris reasoned.

 

“LET’S PLAY A PUNISHMENT GAME!” Xiumin shouted as he rung to life, recharged after his much needed nap. The young man ran to the kitchen and returned with a box of pepero, whipped cream, marshmallows, and whatever else he could find. 

 

“Oh my god. Seriously? Minnie, you’re seriously gonna pass out at this rate. You know you suck at any type of game,” Chen tried.

 

“Well, you can suck my dick cuz we’re playing. Who’s in?”

 

All the boys except Chen were eager to participate, leading the opposed one to surrender and play along.

 

“Fine, fine. As long as we allow for black knighting.”

 

“Sure. The point is to get wasted, but if you really want to steal my alcohol, then go for it,” Xiumin taunted as he opened up the bag of large marshmallows. “This game is apparently called ‘Chubby Bunny’ in America and it tests how much dick you can fit in your mouth.”

 

“Oh my god. No, it doesn’t. What kind of bullshit are you making up?” Luhan asked in betweenlaughs. 

 

“Who cares, let’s play,” Baekhyun ordered to Chanyeol’’s surprise. He hadn’t seen his boyfriend that determined for such a game before. He kind of liked it.

 

“I’ll go first,” Chanyeol offered as he sacrificed himself.

 

“Okay, so the rules are that you have to say ‘Chubby Bunny’ as you add more marshmallows in your mouth, but that’s no fun. So instead, to motivate you all to win, we’re going to say our kinks. Remember, each additional marshmallow makes it more difficult to understand. So save your worst for last,” Minseok explained with a wink.

 

Jongdae shook his head slightly while chuckling. Chanyeol went pale in the face as he looked towards Baekhyun, who grinned coyly at his boyfriend. Suho, Kris, Sehun, and Luhan just watched with anticipation, ready to hear what the tall boy’s kinks were.

 

“Is this some sort of outing ritual?” Chanyeol asked before he began the game.

 

Each person in the room played, kinks ranging from animal-play to foreigner role-play to eating spaghetti off the other’s body. The latter brought a fierce blush to the cheeks of the four young men who ate spaghetti for dinner, knowing full well that the one who made it acted as a plate some time before. 

 

The games continued and the boys grew closer. And louder.

 

Any invisible boundaries were forgotten once the pepero game became their focused event. Kris was paired with Xiumin for one round, causing Chen to grow mildly jealous, watching the two inch closer together as they ate the pepero stick.

 

Determined to win, Minseok tilted his head as if he were about to seriously make out with the other, closing the distance between their lips. But before any mouth-to-mouth touching could even occur, Xiumin broke off his side of the pepero stick, leaving less than two centimeters of the treat.

 

Downing yet another drink, Chen shot up, screaming, “It’s my turn! I’m going with Minnie! Don’t try to change that!”

 

He grabbed a pepero stick and placed it between his teeth. Reaching for his boyfriend’s nape, he threaded his fingers through the other’s hair and swiftly pulled him in. Minseok eagerly allowed the younger to guide him, noting an unusual aggression in his boyfriend. As the distance between them shortened, Minseok naturally closed his eyes.

 

This set something deep within Jongdae ablaze as he soon forgot about the pepero in his mouth and smashed his lips against the other’s. 

 

The rest of the guys in the room seemed too drunk to care, or notice actually, so the two got upand made their way to the bedroom, locking the door behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I will continue their sexy time in near-full detail tomorrow. 
> 
> btw, next chapter will be M rated ;)
> 
>  
> 
> It's practically 4am. if this doesn't make sense, it's cuz i need sleep. LOL. goodnight.


	16. kinkmaster (rated M)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> RATED M. RATED M. RATED M.
> 
> ALL YOU YOUNGINS, SKIP THIS CHAPTER.  
> I GAVE PLENTY OF WARNINGS.  
> (I don't wanna rate the entire thing M, so read with caution.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for this.  
> I got carried away with detail and emotion. LOL. It's rated M for a reason. If you came here for light sexual jokes and xiuchen fun, skip this chapter. I'M NOT KIDDING. I don't wanna be responsible for corrupting anyone's innocence. 
> 
> Sorry in advance...

“Shit. Why does my ass hurt as much as my head??? And what the heck is—WHOA WAIT WHAT’S THIS?” Minseok nearly shouted despite his killer headache in shock at the red marks wrapping around his wrists.

 

“Fuck you, what’d you do to me?” He looked over at Chen who was still passed out with an arm slung around the other’s bare abdominal. “You think you’re gonna get away with this? Huh?” Minseok teased as he reached for his boyfriend, intent to attack—with tickles.

 

“Ah, ah, no. No, stop! Stop it, Minnie. Why?” Waking up, he laughed as he squirmed under the other’s touch. 

 

“Why? _Why?_ You’re asking me why when I’m the one with marked skin? What the fuck did we do?” He joked, still threatening the other lightly with his fingers. Suddenly he stopped. “Oh my god. Chenchen. Chenchen, the guests. Our friends. What happened to them?”

 

“Don’t sound like they died or anything. They’re probably in the other room and, or the living room still. Most likely the latter, though. Everyone was pretty messed up.”

 

“So you remember?”

 

“Remember what?”

 

Xiumin held up his hands to showcase the marks. “This! What is this?”

 

Jongdae let out a chuckle before toppling over onto the older. “Don’t worry.” _kiss_ “You’ll remember,” _kiss,_ “shortly.” _kiss_ “It’s nothing bad,” _kiss,_ “I promise you.” 

 

“Dude, if you do this to me now, I don’t think we’re leaving this bed for another hour or so.”

 

The younger rolled his eyes and got up, putting on some clothes before exiting the room.

 

Minseok was left to his own thoughts, his own demise. He looked at his wrists as he stood up, headache still raging, and headed for the bathroom.

 

Standing in front of the mirror was something he instantly regretted. Inspecting his body in the reflection, he saw, in addition to the marks encircling his wrists, he had long scratch marks down his back and suctioned bruises ( _read: hickeys_ ) in places he never could’ve imagined.

 

“Was that really Chennie?” The older couldn’t help but wonder if he had drunkenly slept with Luhan again, or maybe even Sehun. Hell, he would even believe it if he had gotten these tell-tale signs from that giant, Chanyeol, who he met the previous night.

 

_Anyone could’ve done this, just not Jongdae,_ Minseok thought. 

 

Then it hit him.

 

Pepero still in his mouth, he felt the invasion of Jongdae’s tongue, tasting both him and the snack. Hands eagerly explored one another as they made their way into the bedroom. 

 

“Mm, Jongd—“ Minseok barely managed to formulate some sort of words as his lover pushed him against the inside of their door, hitching him up on his hips. _Fuck, since when was Chen this strong?_

 

Minseok wrapped his arms around the other’s neck, as Jongdae tightened his grip around the older’s waist, each desperately wanting to eradicate the distance that separated them. With the younger’s finger’s sending chills up Xiumin’s spine, the older arched his back, deepening the kiss as his tongue insisted on making the other’s mouth its own.

 

Rolling his hips with each movement of the younger’s hands on his back, Minseok moved his lips away from the other’s and searched for more places to conquer. He took the younger’s earlobe in his teeth and sucked lightly, evoking a moan from deep within Jongdae. 

 

“I want you to fuck me like you’ve never before,” he whispered into the sensitive ear. 

 

The younger let out a low growl. “So you’re asking me to top for once?”

 

Still in his arms and pressed against the door, the older grinded against the other’s crotch. “Fuck. Me. _Hard._ Jongdae.” He said between his teeth, lips brushing over skin raw from the marks left by Minseok.

 

Jongdae would’ve sank to the ground had they not been leaning against the wall. His hands abandoned the older’s back and fingers wrapped around thighs, securing Minseok as they traveled to the bed. 

 

“I hope you know what you’re—mm—getting into when y—ah—you say that,” he mumbled between gasps and moans before throwing his boyfriend onto the bed. 

 

On all fours, Jongdae crawled up the bed to hover over the older, pressing a knee high between his thighs. Minseok twitched at the subtle touch and reached for his lover. 

 

“You want me like never before? Fuck, wish granted. Stay there.”

 

Minseok froze. _Where the hell is he going?_ “Yessir,” he joked in attempt to distract himself from his neglected lower regions.

 

Less than thirty seconds later, Jongdae returned with some sort of ribbon. 

 

“What the fuck, Chennie?”

 

“Shut up,” he responded, tossing the item on the side while he once again toppled his boyfriend, straddle sitting on his lap. 

 

He reached down for the older’s shoulder to guide him to sit upright before connecting his lips to the other’s. 

 

“Babe, you’re so hard and I’m just getting started,” Jongdae chuckled, hand teasing the growing bulge beneath him. Xiumin’s hips jerked in response.

 

“Sorry. Can’t help it,” he breathed, words melting into the other’s mouth. He snaked his hands around Jongdae’s hips in hopes of speeding up the process but was cut off short when the younger grabbed hold of his wrists.

 

“What do you think you’re doing, you impatient fucking bun?”

 

Jongdae’s sudden assertiveness sent an electric shock throughout Minseok, who submitted to the younger, allowing him to do as he pleased. He trusted Chen. He trusted that the boy would not cause him any harm. He also trusted that Chen could bring them both the pleasure they desperately desired.

 

“Just a centimeter. Scoot forward. A centi—ah,” words were lost as Jongdae followed his one wish, body putting pressure on an area in much need of attention. Jongdae traced the other’s lip with his tongue before diving in. 

 

“You taste so fucking good,” he sucked on the bottom lip. “So. Fucking. Delicious,” he growled as he rolled his hips, grinding on the older’s still-growing erection, before teasing the exposed skin at the older’s waist.

 

Within seconds, shirts were off. _Finally,_ Xiumin thought. But to his surprise, the rest remained on. 

 

Chen lowered their bodies onto the bed and grabbed both the older’s hands with one of his, the other hand reaching for the item he brought back not too long ago. He began tying. 

 

“Oh my fucking god, you _are_ kinky,” Minseok gaped in disbelief. “I’ve been holding back, you psycho. Fucking yes. My god, I love you so fucking much.”

 

“I’ve always wanted to try this,” he replied as he took another piece of ribbon and blindfolded the older. “Is it okay?”

 

“Fuck, yes,” he groaned as the other started making his way down his torso with his mouth. Minseok’s breathing grew irregular with sharp inhalations as he felt his lover’s lips brush around his navel before a tongue dipped in. His abdominal tightened and flexed with each sensual stroke of the younger’s tongue. 

 

That goddamn tongue traveled lower until it rested at the top of his pants. How much he wanted to reach down and remove them drove the older boy mad as the younger teased him. 

 

“Please, Chennie. Just, please,” he whimpered much to the younger’s delight, who complied, taking off the restriction that bounded the older. 

 

Jongdae smirked at the sight and got up enough to separate his touch from his boyfriend, who jolted in confusion from the suddenness of being left alone. “J-Jongdae?” The blindfolded one asked weakly.

 

He then felt cushioned heat engulf his hard dick, causing him to buck his hips. “Sh-shit, oh man. M-more. Uhnn,” the older moaned, rolling his hips for more access to whatever he was inside of.

 

The younger hummed softly as he took his lover in the mouth, completely and as far as he could possibly hold him. As he licked and sucked, he removed himself with an audible pop, leaving the older a moaning mess. “C-come back. I need it. More. I need you, babe. No, ahh,” he whined. 

 

His breath hitched as something warm circled his base and wandered down to unearth and outline his tight entrance. He clenched at the direct touch. That damned tongue proceeded to tour away from the heat and up the older’s thigh as the younger lifted one, positioning his lover for what would come next.

 

He licked his lips and journeyed back to the entrance, leaving dozens of light bruises from his suctioned kisses in a line down the inner thigh. 

 

Xiumin sucked in a breath, erratic with each and every one of the younger’s touches. He felt his mind swirl from both the alcohol and the tongue that entered, hips jerking at the sudden intrusion. He could recognize a finger, and another, join the warm tongue, stretching and preparing him. 

 

Blindfolded and constricted, he used his body to help himself get closer to what he wanted, rocking and sinking onto the digits that filled him. 

 

Seemingly satisfied, Jongdae slowly came up, mouth trailing up the older’s thick cock, increasing in sensitivity. He slid one of Xiumin’s hands out from the tie and wrapped the slender fingers around his own member. As Minseok blindly stroked, the younger reached for the bottle of lube. Both the boys were at their limits, precum dripping down their veiny shafts. 

 

“Fuck condoms, I’m filling you up tonight,” he growled, removing the older’s hand and once again tying it up. He prepped himself and his lover with the lubricant and oriented himself at the entrance. Without a word, he plunged himself in to the hilt, the older, a sheath for his seductive weapon. 

 

A muffled yelp was sounded from Minseok. “Scream. Be loud. I wanna hear your voice,” the younger whispered hoarsely fully sunken into his lover. He pulled out quite a bit before sliding back in, earning himself a loud, uncensored moan from the other. “That’s it. Don’t worry. No one will hear you. It’s just you and me. I’ll take care of you,” he groaned in between thrusts.

 

“Sh-shit, ah. Nnn, Chennie, fuck. Fuck. Me. Fuck me, Jongda-daddy. Ha-harder. T-touch m-me,” the older attempted a grin and shouted as he rolled and met each thrust. 

 

With that, Jongdae got an idea and pulled out completely, leading Minseok to a moment of panic and worry over calling the other “daddy.” 

 

“Fuck, there’s no daddy kink here, I just—it came naturally, I—“ He was interrupted by a forceful pull at his shoulders, making him sit up despite how uncomfortable his ass was already.

 

His tied hands were brought over the younger’s head, trapping it between the older’s arms. Lips met in a passionate fury. Unbeknownst to him, Minseok’s hips were guided by the younger, being placed perfectly.

 

“Ride me,” Jongdae said as he slammed himself upward into his lover, who screamed out of pleasure in response. In their new position, they fucked long and hard. Enjoying the tight heat that engulfed and slid against his length, Chen found himself clawing at the other’s back, drawing him in closer with each thrust and movement on his shaft. 

 

Hands too weak to continue, Jongdae rested them on the older’s hips, guiding him once more as they both rode out the last of their pleasure, Minseok vibrating and erratically jerking his hips with the other still inside, full of both his lover and liquid.

 

They laid down in each other’s embrace, Chen carefully removing the binds and blindfold from his boyfriend. 

 

Out of breath and frail, Xiumin whispered, “Goddamn, I’m married to a fucking god. I love you so much, Chennie, you have no idea.” He reached up to brush some hair out of his lover’s eyes. His hand was caught immediately and his palm kissed.

 

“Not as much as I love you,” he giggled innocently, watching the older submit to a deep slumber. 

 

Fully aware of the events that occurred the previous night, Xiumin sat in painful disbelief. _That was both amazing and terrible at the same time,_ he thought.

 

_im never letting u drink again._

 

_???_

 

_you fucking kinkmaster_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHEN I WRITE SMUT, I WRITE A LOT
> 
> but wtf did i write...  
> tbh i could've gone into more detail, but mid-way through writing a section of that chapter, i had to go to the doctor's for an appointment, so when i returned to finish it, i realized how freaking detailed i was making it.  
> like we're talking graphic. gory. too much information about minnie's nether regions. it made ME feel uncomfortable when i came back to complete the chapter.  
> so if it suddenly changed from "wao so many descriptions" to "that's a lot of vague verbs", that's because i felt bad for writing (probably E rated tbh) smut in a T+ chat fic.  
> LMAO. i get carried away.  
> but who cares, ya got ur wild kinky chen in a chapter.  
> ALSO, if u want the full on smut, just wait a few days or weeks and i'll be uploading oneshots and random smuts for monsta x and exo fandoms. 
> 
> nonetheless, WE'RE BACK TO TEXTING NEXT CHAPTER~


	17. guilty or not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> one ship sails, another one hits an iceberg
> 
>  
> 
> too soon?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAT IS CHEN (LEFT) AND KRIS (RIGHT)
> 
> from now on, there r gonna be some non-xiuchen chats (as well as xiuchen ones), but xiu or chen will be in them (cuz they're the focus)
> 
> it's just cuz they live together and they have to consult their friends for things like this.

yo kris

should we get married?

 

dude 

chen

ur taken

so am i

why tf would i marry u???

 

NO NO NO

not u

ew

no offense

 

oh

lol

that’s awkward

 

i mean xiumin

me and _minseok_

should i propose?

or is it like way too early?

 

dude it’s been months

ur getting older and leaving ur house less

to be fair u were staying in more even before xiumin

 

true

 

but ur also young

and haven't really been with anyone aside from him

 

also true

:/

 

i dont mean to talk u out of anything

but u should think it thru more

like do u really want to spend the rest of ur life with him?

 

:|

yes

 

oh

wow

ok then

 

what?

do u not wanna spend urs with suho?

 

dude

u never know what might happen

ppl can change

 

OMG

R U CHEATING ON HIM?

 

NO

NO WAY

WTF MADE U THINK THAT

 

idk

ur being weird about relationships lately

yifan

it feels like ur unhappy

 

kinda

i really do love junmyeon

 

…

but?

i feel like there’s a but here

 

yeah.

BUT

ive gotten so busy lately

i keep traveling and i have no time to spend with him

 

but ur talking to me rn

u could be talking to him

 

he doesn't think it’s enough

so even if i try, he doesn't wanna

text, that is

he’d rather my physical presence be there

 

where r u rn?

 

taiwan

for a few days

then going to shanghai

 

being a photographer seems to suck

 

meh

so-so

i get to travel and see a lot of things

 

but u don't get time for 

L O V E

 

minseok is srsly rubbing off on u

that was such a him thing to say

 

it’s cuz i love him

so much

that i wanna be him

 

idk about that

but sure

 

but aside from junmyeon

how’re things for u, kris?

 

awful

 

what?

why?

 

i met a guy

 

oh shit

 

oh shit is right

 

what’s his name?

 

zitao

 

that’s kinda a hot name

 

just because it reminds u of xiumin

does not make it hot

 

shut up

u know ive always had my eyes only on him

 

yeah

it’s gross

but cute

 

¯\\_( ツ )_/¯

anyways, yifan

is the guy cute?

what r u gonna do about suho?

 

he’s fucking hot

a model

he sings, too

 

OH

so u met him at a shoot?

DID U PHOTOGRAPH HIM???

 

yeah

 

SEND SMTH

 

[IMG attachment]

[IMG attachment]

 

whoa…u sent those rlly fast

why r they on ur phone??

 

cuz i told u

he’s hot

 

eh

minnie’s better

 

that’s cuz ur blinded by love

 

true lol

i accept tho

this guy does have some good looks to him

i can see why ur into him

 

im not _into_ him

that’d be rude to junmyeon

 

u eye-fucking this guy is rude to junmyeon

suck it up and sort out ur feelings

 

:|

 

im gonna propose to minnie 

 

why the sudden decision?

 

cuz i dont want him or me to get our sight back

i want us to stay blind

LEGALLY stuck together

forever

 

that sounds like a prison sentence or smth

 

¯\\_( ツ )_/¯

guilty or not

he’s stuck with me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bittersweet fluff is how i would describe this.
> 
> im a ship-hopper. 
> 
> krisho or taoris???? KRISHO OR SULAY????
> 
> xiuchen stays as real as it gets tho.


	18. how do i kill a bitch?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> u see how im separating the chats now? bolded names announce who's talking to who. CHEN WILL ALWAYS BE LEFT AND XIUMIN WILL ALWAYS BE RIGHT no matter who they are talking to.

** CHEN AND XIUMIN **

 

fuck fuck fuck

fuck meeeeeeee

 

:|

what happened, minnie?

 

im at the mall

there’s another video game promotional event

I NEED U BOY

pls come nowww

nowwWWWW

im wAITING

 

ok ok

hold on

im in the middle of smth

 

again?

ur ALWAYS doing stuff lately

and not being with me enough

 

u mean

not following ur every whim

just cuz we’re dating 

does not mean 

that I'm required 

to be with u 

every

fucking

second

of the day

 

:<

u hurt me

 

:/

sorry, min

i love u

but I'm a little busy rn

 

ok

that’s ok

OH

WAIT

I SEE CHANYEOL

A L O N E

is it ok if i make him be my fake boyfri

for this promotion

 

um

i guess

 

ヾ ( ＠⌒ー⌒＠ ) ノ

yayayayayayay

i’ll bring u back something good

mkay?

 

sure

 

love u, babe

♡

 

 

**—**

**CHEN (L) AND KRIS (R)**

 

 

how do i kill a bitch?

 

whoa

jongdae

what happened?

lol

what an interesting way to greet a person

 

…

 

which bitch r we killing?

 

minseok

 

LOL

i thought u were in L O V E with him

huh?

what happened to ur proposal?

did u fail and suck ass

 

um

no

im still working on preparations

 

dude

if ur gonna take that long

might as well hire a planner or smth

cuz ur taking forever

tbh

 

i just need this to be perfect

 

?

so why do u wanna kill ur boyfriend?

 

cuz he’s going on a fake date

with his baby’s boyfriend

 

Chanyeol???

SRSLY?

that boy’s got _game_

just saying

 

:|

 

srry

ur man has skills beyond belief

luhan, sehun, u

and now chanyeol?

#skills

 

not making me feel any better

wait

WAIT

SEHUN?

SINCE WHEN?

THE FUCK?

 

oh

shit

crap

uh

i miss-typed

since lu and sehun r dating now

i just automatically write their names together

 

what BS that is

tell me

what happened between min and sehun?

 

nothing

srsly

nothing happened

did u pick rings yet?

 

then why r u so nervous?

ur trying to change the subject

yifan

tell me

and i wont be as mad later

if u say it now

i’ll have time to calm before i see that son of a bitch

 

it was years ago

like _long_ ago

u know how they both r

they’re weird

 

mm?

 

i can feel ur passive aggression all the way in shanghai

dude calm

they just wanted to see who was the kinkiest

so one night

u get it

they tried things out

it was when minseok spoke chinese a lot

 

?

 

that’s when he got the name “xiumin”

 

that young gucci fuck gave him the name?

 

no no

well

kinda

they thought it up together

as a joke

but it stuck

 

why didn't he tell me tho

 

neither of them were telling anyone

i just happened to be living with sehun at the time

needed a place to stay while i was in korea

and i overheard their phone conversation the day after

pretty interesting shit, if u ask me

 

ur the only one who knows?

 

besides u now

 

they don't know u know?

 

nope

i doubt it

 

shit

so they cant know i know either

 

dude

it’s srsly in the past

the only thing id be worried about is if sehun goes after u

 

WHY??

 

cuz he and minseok have the same taste in guys

 

i didn't need to fucking know that

 

but r u srsly gonna be mad cuz ur boyfriend has a history?

 

…idk

 

just cuz u don't doesn't mean it justifies u being a bitch about it

 

wow.

just wow.

 

dont even think that he would cheat, either

as much as he can get around 

(over time, not all at once)

he is probably the most loyal person i know

 

um.

me.

 

ur just weird

 

gee thanks

lol

 

haha

but still

minseok is extremely loyal despite what he says

and his sexual behavior

 

it’s weird to think that such a cute guy

is such a monster

in bed

 

i agree

100%

creepy.

never trust a cute face

 

i trust him tho

 

oh do u?

 

yeah. i have to

if i wanna marry him

i need to trust him

 

so the proposal is still in action?

 

yeah. ofc

i fucking adore and love him

i cant leave him

and if i hurry tf up

then i can make him mine officially

 

bleh

^ i threw up cuz ur too innocent

so what r u gonna do about him and chanyeol?

 

i was mad at first

but now i realize that i kinda pushed him to it

 

what u mean?

 

im acting too busy for him cuz the secrecy of the proposal

and he actually asked me if it was ok for him to go around with chanyeol

 

wow

dude u suck

ur whiny ass just wasted my time

what’s making u so insecure???

 

that’s how my relationship started with him…

we went on a fake date to the same event

 

oh.

i get it now.

oh shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look at hypocrite kris talking about not cheating in relationships.... HMMMM
> 
> jk. he isn't cheating. physically. mentally? maybe. just wait till another chapter. ;)


	19. so it's ok if i steal ur man

** BAEK (L) AND XIUMIN (R) **

 

baby

 

yes, parent?

 

why’d u leave tall child alone at the mall

 

oh

im out with friends

he wanted to go to the mall for some reason

so he ditched me

r u there too?

 

yah

he’s pretending to be my lover so we get discounts

and extra giveaway entries

for a gaming event

 

OHMYGOD

I FORGOT THAT WAS TODAY

AHIUDJKNWAFDJSAKMM

 

so it’s ok if i steal ur man

for an hour

 

go for it

make sure he brings me back smth tho

 

ofc

who do u think i am

 

a selfish mochi fuck

who would keep all the won items

 

…

true

but in exchange for chanyeol today

i will send him home with goods for my baby

 

sounds good

 

we’re gonna hold hands btw

 

ive held more

plus u have chen

 

i cant believe u have a houseplant named chen

why the name tho

 

someone texted me thinking i was a chen

thought the name was nice

and suited the houseplant i bought that day

 

PFFFF

THAT’S THE SAME REASON WHY HE GOES BY CHEN

FUCK THESE WRONG NUMBERED TEXTS

LMAOAOOAAOAOOO

 

why do u go by xiumin tho?

 

u’ll learn when ur older, my boy

 

…um

ok

btw

if u see anything League related

that’s mine

 

ง •̀_•́) ง

anything for you

my child

 

kk

have fun with my chanyeol

 

“my chanyeol”

u dont need to claim him like that btw

as much as i appreciate his height

i have no intentions of being anything but his fake lover

for the sake of video games

 

his height is nice

so is his dick

ur missing out

LOLOLOL

 

im glad

that u enjoy him

i raised u well

 

im just gonna ignore that for now

 

u free later?

 

yeah

wait.

actually

in an hour or so

do u wanna meet up with me and my friends?

drag chanyeol along, too, why don't u

 

sounds g

where tho

 

we can go bowling

 

OMG OK

CAN I BRING CHENNIE

 

ur so excited lmao

ofc

i’ll invite him

go get free stuff

 

will do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im not some kind of monster who tears chanbaek or xiuchen apart. i make them be friends.
> 
>  
> 
> KRISHO ON THE OTHER HAND....... :/  
> we'll see about that. ;)
> 
> Q: Why did Baek buy a houseplant in the first place?


	20. dont judge just cuz it’s small

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the chapter title is a masterpiece. just saying

**CHEN (L) AND BAEKHYUN (R)**

yo houseplant

 

yes, food baby?

 

…somehow im starting to rlly dislike these coincidences

 

yeah. same

i could've lived without knowing about ur houseplant

what kind is it, anyway?

 

[IMG attachment]

idk. got it for free

 

dude it could be a drug plant

 

drug plant?

wtf

i dont think that’s a thing

 

but that's not an average houseplant

 

dont judge just cuz it’s small

i hear ppl in america like keeping little cactus plants

on their desks

 

at least those r cute

im offended that i share the same name as that shitty plant

 

im offended that ur being rude to chen

CHEN

APOLOGIZE TO CHEN

[IMG attachment]

 

did u srsly just draw tears and a face on ur plant

 

…

no

he’s crying

cuz u made him upset

 

sorry, chen

ok but baek, why’d u text

 

oh right

r u busy at 2?

 

that’s like less than an hour from now

but no

i’ll be free

 

then why rnt u with my parent

(btw is he dad or mom?)

 

wait u know he’s with chanyeol?

ur fine with it??

 

um…yeah?

they’re getting me free League stuff

if it’s LOL related, im g with anything

also, minseok has no interest in chan whatsoever

only his height

 

damn tall ppl

(he supposedly gave birth but he says im mom)

(i think he’s dad. just don't call him daddy or he’ll enjoy it too much)

 

LMAO

does he have a daddy kink?

 

not consciously

 

OHMYGOD

THAT’S HILARIOUS

 

meh

what r we doing at 2?

 

bowling

with my friends and “dad” and chan

 

oh great. minnie’s gonna go wild

 

?

 

he fucking loves bowling

idk why

 

cant wait

 

for what?

 

to see him get obliterated

 

what why

 

cuz my friends r on a bowling team

they’re REALLY good

 

oh shit

im excited now, too

 

get ready to comfort ur boyfriend

 

i always am

 

lol

see u at 2 then

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love bowling even tho i suck at it


	21. mommy and daddy r taking a break?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im having a freaking blast writing this  
> the ideas just keep flowing  
> the updates will be so slow in like 2 weeks when school starts tho ;-;

** CHEN (L) AND KRIS (R) **

 

dude

 

?

 

so i talked with junmyeon

(im back in korea for a day or two)

we had a _good_ talk

and a _long_ farewell fuck

 

WHAT?

DID U TWO

WHAT

N O

 

we didn’t “break up” or anything

just taking a break

 

fuck u

that’s the same thing

 

no it’s not

i know that we’ll end up together again

it’s just that us trying to force smth rn

wont be healthy for our relationship

and we’ll get bored

 

well if ur “forcing”

then yeah

i get it

:/

but still

 

i still love him

so fucking much

 

then why?

 

u were right about the eye-fucking tho

 

oh…

zitao

 

yeah…

or tao for short

 

:|

still…

does junmyeon know about him?

 

yeah…

he said it’d be better if we took a break while i get confused

so that i wont be “cheating”

if anything happens

 

which it probably will

ur hot af

swole

 

ur terms r getting grosser each day

 

¯\\_( ツ )_/¯

 

**—**

 

**SUHO (L) AND XIUMIN (R)**

 

Min

what doing rn

 

on a date with chanyeol

 

u fucker

no srsly

 

im not kidding

we’re getting free gaming shit

pretending to be lovers

 

ahhh cuz the discounts

i thought u were pulling a yifan or smth

 

did he cheat?

mommy and daddy r taking a break?

lolololol

 

ur so insensitive

 

srry im distracted

need a distraction?

 

uh

yeah

kinda

:/

 

come bowling at 2

 

dude that’s like fucking 10 minutes from now

 

then dry ur eyes

wash ur face

clean ur body

and hurry

 

kk

i’ll be there asap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;)


	22. gonna get Lay-ed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> junmyeon works fast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i vote everyday for monsta x on mwave music chart  
> but my babies fell to 5th ;-;  
> july voting closes in 24 hours  
> my children need to shine forever in the spotlight, they're underrated  
> i love monsta x so much, yall have no idea

Baekhyun was right. Minseok nearly threw a fit when he lost all hope of winning that day. 

 

“You should've fucking told me your friends were pro,” he quietly whined to himself, sending daggers from his sharp eyes to the younger. 

 

Jongdae pulled the grumpy one’s head into the crevice of his neck as he wrapped an arm around his boyfriend. “We can go bowling again with people who suck so you can win. Okay?”

 

He received a pouted look as the older lifted his chin to look at the boy. “Don’t treat me like a child.”

 

“But you are one. A big baby. That’s what you are.” He stroked the older’s soft, brown hair. “A cute, sexy, charming baby.”

 

The older nuzzled into the comfort of the other. He planted a light kiss on Jongdae’s neck. “I love you, you know that, right?”

 

The younger hummed in response, “And I do you.”

 

“Oh quit it, you guys are making me sick,” Junmyeon gagged from behind. “Can’t you wait till ur home or something? I’d rather not be reminded of our little get together from a while ago. I was the only one sober enough to hear those fucking screams, Min. Nasty.”

 

“You weren’t too bothered by it before. What the hell did Yifan do to make you this allergic to love?” Minseok asked. Jongdae tensed slightly.

 

“Long story short, we’re taking a break and he’s probably gonna see someone else in the mean time,” he muttered.

 

Xiumin gasped. “And you’re okay with this, why? You know what, never mind. Chennie, I’m not coming home tonight. In fact, I’m leaving right now. Suho, we’re going somewhere good,” the older instructed as he changed his shoes and dragged the other out of the building.

 

On their way out, Minseok blind with rage didn’t notice the stranger he was about to make collide with his friend. _Oh shit, too late now,_ he thought as the two crashed into each other. Slyly, the eldest slipped away and watched from afar, hoping to take no blame for what just happened. 

 

Suho quickly searched for his friend before he met the stranger’s gaze. They sat on the ground where they had fallen for a moment, eyes locked. Minseok, curiosity burning, returned to the two. He watched.

 

“Oh, um sorry,” Junmyeon mumbled as he snapped back to reality. The other seemed to as well, shaking off the daze.

 

“Yeah, me too. I wasn’t watching where I was going. Didn’t think I’d run into anyone who looks as good as you.”

 

Minseok choked as he suppressed a laugh. _Was this guy flirting?_ He did agree, nonetheless. Suho was pretty hot with his contrasting features: pale complexion, dark hair, and thick eyebrows above soft, deep eyes. Minseok was sure he was surrounded by attractive friends and couldn’t understand why. 

 

_Why is everyone so fucking hot and I still look like a little boy? I’m the oldest. God, no respect._

 

The stranger held out his hand as he got up, offering it to Suho for assistance. To Xiumin’s relief, the boy took the hand and got up. “I’m Lay,” the stranger introduced as he continued to latch onto the other’s hand.

 

“Suho,” he breathed. Minseok had to restrain himself from falling with laughter right then and there. His friend was acting like a damsel in distress and he didn’t know what to do about it. Encourage or make fun of it?

 

“Did you just finish bowling?” Lay asked, eyes still unwavering from the other’s stare.

 

“Yeah, kinda.”

 

_Kinda? What kind of a response is that, Junmyeon? Snatch that boy, take him home. If Kris can do it, so can you. Let’s go,_ Xiumin cheered internally, eyeing the two with great curiosity.

 

More words were exchanged by the two and to Xiumin’s delight, they left. _Together._ Forgetting about anyone else, including the older one who was standing just a few meters away.

 

Chen came up from behind scooping his lover into his arms. “Where’d Junmyeon go?”

 

“I don’t know. He just left with some guy we bumped into.”

 

“What’s he doing?”

 

“Gonna get Lay-ed,” Minseok joked, proud with his own pun that wouldn’t reach his boyfriend.

 

“Fuck.”

 

“Just let it happen. Don’t tell Yifan. They need to work this out on their own.”

 

“Didn’t you just set that up, though?”

 

“No, no. If only I had…That would’ve been a masterpiece. I just watched from the side. They forgot about me,” he feigned a cry as he snuggled into his boyfriend.

 

“I guess you have no reason to leave now, huh? Let’s go back. Kai and Kyungsoo were wondering where you went. I don’t wanna have a sore loser for a boyfriend, so let’s play some more. I’ll treat you to something nice tonight,” he sang.

 

“S’mores?”

 

“Why is that the only thing you can think of?”

 

“I don’t know. I just want marshmallows right now,” he replied innocently.

 

Jongdae kissed his cheek. “Mmmmkay. Will do. I’ll make you the best s’mores you’ve ever had, my love.”

 

The older giggled as they returned to the game. Chanyeol looked at the two in awe as Baekhyun muttered, “That’s so gross thinking they’re my ‘parents,’” using air quotes.

 

“You just ruined the moment,” his boyfriend nudged him in the side before grabbing a bowling ball and stepping up to the lane. 

 

**—**

 

**CHEN (L) AND KRIS (R)**

 

how’s tao?

 

idk

i messaged him

 

and nothing?

u got no response?

 

yeah

:/

guess he wasn’t actually interested

 

awh shit

 

guess i messed up pretty big this time

right?

 

idk man

 

i’ll wait tho

we’re taking a break anyways

maybe i can discover something about myself

while im single

for now

 

just whatever u do

pls come back to suho

u guys r perfect together

true mom and dad

 

ew

gross

but i’ll try

i srsly love him

i’ll do anything to get him back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am minseok tho  
> *makes friend bump into stranger* woops *runs out of sight to not be blamed*
> 
> im so tired, im gonna sleep now
> 
> dont hate me cuz this is not the end  
> I WILL FIGHT FOR MY KRISHO ;)
> 
> but tbh, if suho bumped into me one day at a bowling alley, id be like "dang, boi, u hot AND u bowl. let's go grab some gelato somewhere and maybe go watch some kdramas at home cuz im a bit younger than u but i can imagine us doing more, but u know that's fine if u dont wanna but id REALLY like to idk hold ur hand or something. yah. sorry im not kris, but lets make out"
> 
> what did i just say ^^  
> im reaaaaally tired omfg (im not gonna delete that so yall know my emotional state rn)


	23. i want him returned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chen is a S N A K E. so is sehun.

chennnnnnnnnn

chennnieeeeeee

chenchennnnnn

where’d u go????

it’s been like

idk

5 hours

u said ud be gone for 2

wheRE R U

;-;

ur so busy lately

even more than before

it’s making me saddd

im lonelyyyy

baby

im so lonely

lonely lonely lonely lonely

baby im so lonely

lonely lonely lonely lonely

eh heh

[VID attachment]

look at that

im singing loudly and theres no one here to tell me to shut up

should i be worried

ur not responding

it’s been over 3 hours since u said ud be back

did u get in an accident?

DID U DIE???

not possible

cuz i would've gotten a call from the hospital

telling me to

collect my man

did u find a guy like suho's lay?

are you…

getting

lay-ed

 

 

**—**

 

**SEHUN (L) AND XIUMIN (R)**

 

DUDE SHUT UP

jongdae's with me rn

doing important stuff

i confiscated his phone

he kept wanting to talk to u

that wuss

 

??!????!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

 

relax

he’s just helping me pick things out

cuz it’s my year anniversary

with Lu

 

WHY DIDNT U ASK ME

:<

i know Lu better than he does

 

but he knows romance better than u

and ud just joke the whole time

and find kinky gifts

 

…

but luhan is quite kinky

so r u

we all r

 

true

however

i dont want to ruin this

 

special occasion

 

yeah.

 

hm ok

send a selca

i need proof that ur not trying to take my one and only

 

dont u trust him?

 

it’s u i don't trust

mr. steal ur man

 

[IMG attachment]

 

omgkanfdjkanfdkak

he looks so cute

 

he looks confused

 

soOOO CUTE

hurry up

i want him returned

 

*rolls eyes*

 

if u wanna make it romantic

take him on a hike at night 

(bring flashlight or battery lantern for safety)

and have a picnic thing overlooking the city

 

where do i find mountains in the city

 

look around, u fuck

they’re not easy to miss

 

oh

found one

 

good.

if i remember correctly, Lu said he wanted to do things like that

but I'm lazy

and old

and

 

hey

ur practically the same age as him

stop calling him old

 

but ur young

in comparison

so u can manage

make ur man happy

lololol

sort the rest out with my lovely chenchen

and

BRING

HIM

BACK

asap

<3

 

ok ok

jeez

 

good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is Chen, the houseplant...
> 
> This is sad Chen.
> 
> im so excited for N.Flying's comeback. tbh it's been too long since Awesome came out. im crying
> 
> ik lonely came out after, but Awesome is my jam just saying


	24. u suck, u know that right?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh my. so many S N A K E S.
> 
>  
> 
> hisssss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is awful. oh whale. i kinda like it.

** CHEN (L) AND SEHUN (R) **

 

u shit

why’d u ignore xiumin

u know how he gets

 

cuz i want it to be a surprise

u know i cant lie to him

 

LMAO

u suck, u know that right?

 

…

yeah kinda

 

well u do

 

whatever

did he believe u?

 

yah

no problem

 

how tho?

i dont even trust u

idk why he would

ur a snake

 

selca

i sent a selca of us

 

when did we take a…

oh

oh my god

ur a genius

 

i knew it'd come in handy

perfect excuse

 

what'd u say tho?

 

told him ur helping me pick smth out for my 1 year with lu

 

who the hell would believe that

i rarely talk to him

 

exactly

thats why the selfie

he gave some advice tho

and i told him ur romantic

so thats how u help

 

ahhhh

makes sense

when did u get so smart?

 

it’s not being smart

it’s being clever

 

ah

a snake

 

-.-

 

that looks like u omg

 

wow

just wow

idk if i should be offended or not

 

wait

what am i wearing in the selfie

he’s gonna get suspicious if I'm in different clothes

 

dude u wear the same thing all the time

im sure ur fine

[IMG attachment]

 

wtf i look so weird

 

he said ur cute

 

ofc he did

but he’s so much cuter

ajfkdmkfdja

 

when r u gonna be done

i think u should go home

u both seem in need of each other

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

…

 

and why tf is it taking u so long

like 5 hours?

isn't that a little excessive???

 

perfection doesn't come without effort

 

im rolling my eyes

 

thanks for that info

i appreciate it

now im rolling my eyes too

 

LOL

 

ur fucking contagious

u snake

 

stop calling me a snake

speaking of snakes

how’d u and xiumin even end up together

like id never expect it

tbh

 

snake is right in this scenario

maybe

 

?

 

we were fucking for some time

then the day he met up with u

a while ago

we went on a fake date

 

ahh for game promotions stuff

been there done that

 

wtf 

that snake

he’s truly the snake now

omg

hiss

 

hisssss

continue hisssssss

 

that night he texted me

saying he enjoyed fake dating me that day

 

omg

that is special

im shooketh

when did he start having feelings???

when did he get so affectionate???

 

IKR

 

dude

u changed him

u may feel whipped

but god damn

he's the one who's whipped

my fuck

i thought i knew him

guess not

god damn it

 

whipped?

 

u got him wrapped around ur finger, jongdae

if u turned that sugar baby, prank-playing, kinky punk

into an affectionate, loving boyfriend

…

u’ve done well

ur gonna be so fortunate in ur next life

 

ur acting like i saved the country or smth

 

pretty much

u saved minseok

from himself

 

im so confused

 

dude hurry up ur preparations and get that ring on him

asap

dont postpone it

dont worry about him ho-ing around

he’ll joke about it

but holy fuck he’s whipped

im enjoying this

 

…

 

im so fucking happy rn

ew

im squealing

 

ew is right

HAHA

 

stop talking to me

go home

go to ur home

 

? 

why’d u repeat urself?

 

i didn't

u have 2 homes now

physical home

and minseok

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3 <3 <3
> 
>  
> 
> *waits patiently for suho and kris to sort their feelings out*
> 
> leave a "hisssssss" comment if u want krisho together again


	25. but is he daddy enough for u

**SUHO (L) AND XIUMIN (R)**

 

Min

 

oh my god

i forgot u existed

 

wtf?

 

it’s been years since we talked

 

it’s been like 5 days

 

same thing

how was getting

…

lay-ed?

 

omfg lol

he's a dancer

 

hot

 

it was

it is

 

is?

IS THAT WHY U’VE BEEN M.I.A

WERE U NOT BEING PLAYED

BUT TRULY LAY-ED

FOR MULTIPLE DAYS?

 

u confuse me

we’re seeing each other

 

and here u were

crying over Kris “cheating”

u go, mom

im proud

so how is he?

 

he’s a fucking monster

it’s so freaking good

just saying

 

does he

lose control

?

 

i guess?

he knows exactly what i need tho

 

and what is that

 

wild

kinky

 

ok u can stop there

id rather not know anymore

 

:P

 

but is he daddy enough for u

 

what kind of question is that

 

just think about it

who can fulfill ur needs more

lay

or dad

 

dude

ur older than all of us

why do u keep calling us mom and dad

 

age does not apply to kinks

and personalities

 

true

gross

but true

 

hey

ur the one with the daddy kink

J U S T S A Y I N G

¯\\_( ツ )_/¯

 

idk tho

lay is HERE

where is kris thru all this?

 

u could idk

TRY

and tell him u want him back

if u do

cuz it’s not so clear anymore what with u fucking lay

or probably

u getting fucked by lay

cuz he seems more top than u

 

oh u’d be surprised

 

no no no stop 

ajkfda

 

anyways

how’s chen

 

distant.

:/

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i should sleep but i wanna write the next chapter rn ・゜(。┰ω┰。).・゜
> 
> n.flying's comeback is BOMB just saying  
> Samuel finally debuted, too. can we just take a moment to celebrate???? :DDD


	26. jongdammit

**CHEN (L) AND KRIS (R)**

 

dude

minnie is pacing

he never paces

 

did u do something?

 

he’s mumbling stuff about u and suho

he’s going insane

he wont even come in bed

just walking around the room

staring at his phone

 

why me and suho tho

 

think about it

his parents r practically divorcing

and he’s hearing about his mom sleeping with some other guy

 

SUHO IS WHAT

 

u heard me

 

ಠ _ ಥ

where did this all go wrong

 

when u eye-fucked that dude

 

but i didn't fuck him

 

what if junmyeon wants u back

even after he’s been with someone else

 

did i drive him to do it

 

i asked min

he says “come back home, dad”

“mom’s in bed with a snake”

 

-.-

 

a few days ago we went bowling

junmyeon was upset

i think he cried that day

then on their way out, he met lay

 

lay?

like the dancer?

 

r there other guys named lay?

minnie says yeah, he's a dancer

 

holy shit

 

why?

u know him?

 

he’s zitao’s friend

 

OMGGGGGGG

that took a turn

wait…does that mean he won’t be staying here for long?

 

probs not

he’s a dancer in china

who happens to speak korean

 

and steal moms who r unsure of their marriage

 

omfg

he’s not that bad

if i were suho, id take him

ofc only if i was no longer in the picture

 

what do u mean

 

im fucking going back home

it’s time

im getting my man back

 

ur so dramatic

it’s been like 1 week

maybe less

 

it feels like years

speaking of years

when tf r u gonna propose to min???

 

JONGDAMMIT

U CANT SAY THINGS LIKE THAT

WHEN HE’S IN THE ROOM WITH ME

WHAT IF HE SEES????

 

did u just use ur own name to curse

but GOOD IF HE SEES

then he probs wouldn't have to suffer and wait

while u prep behind the scenes, remember that he has no idea

and most likely thinks smth is wrong

 

why would he think that?

 

jongdammit

ur so slow


	27. turns out kyungsoo goes by "Dabs Only"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol 3 updates in one night ;-;

Two thirty in the morning. Junmyeon thought he was hallucinating when he heard a banging on his front door.

 

Groggily, he answered. Before his eyes could even focus beneath the sleepiness that hazed over them, an all too familiar mouth pressed firmly against his. 

 

He smiled. “I missed you.”

 

“I love you. Don’t you fucking forget that.”

 

Yifan closed the door behind him and scooped up his lover, carrying him to the kitchen.

 

“What? Where are we going?” Junmyeon questioned against the other’s moving lips.

 

“We’re changing your bed before I even step foot in that bedroom, so we’ll make do over here,” he replied simply, propping the boy up on the counter.

 

He placed his hands firmly on the other’s hips as he nuzzled into the neck before him, tracing the jaw lightly with his nose. Junmyeon giggled, gripping the older’s forearms and brushing his thumbs over the protruding veins.

 

The younger wrapped his legs around the other, trapping him and bringing him closer. “I love you, too.”

 

Yifan leaned forward and removed the boy’s shirt in one swift motion. He laid the younger back, watching him tense as his skin made contact with the cold countertop.

 

Declaring his love with each caress, each kiss, Yifan took Junmyeon on the countertop, no sign of regret in his choice of location.

 

He loved the other. Nothing would change that.

 

—

**SUHO (L) AND XIUMIN (R)**

 

no need to get lay-ed anymore

why get lay-ed when i can get kris-ed in the kitchen

 

oh god tmi

t m i

and dude it’s like 4am

u woke me up

 

oh did i?

 

no

i was touching chennie

then saw ur message

 

…what

 

i woke up and he wasn't cuddling

he looked so cute

and

fhamkfdnjak

so sexy

i couldn't resist

 

dude what r u doing

that’s assault

 

nothing much

im touching everything but his lower half

i promise

 

oh

thats odd

 

he’s gonna wake up with so many marks

LMAOOOO

im gonna play ignorant

 

ur so rude

 

not as rude as u

u cheating mom

 

we were broken up while i got lay-ed

 

mhmmmm

sure

wait

kitchen?

 

u just got that?

 

why not the soft

cushy

bed

 

he thinks lay came over

 

he didn’t?

 

no. i went to his place

 

ah

 

but srsly

get out of the room

try other places

try the kitchen

 

new kink?

u like fucking with cookies?

 

um. no.

 

why r u texting me post-fuck tho

like u get kris-ed

and the first thought is

“oh. time to tell the kids.”

“mommy and daddy r back together”

 

kid*

 

um. mom

if I'm ur kid, then so is jongdae

cuz we’re the shit

OH MY GOD

UR A GRANDMA

CUZ I HAVE A CHILD

 

omfg

 

BAEKHYUN

btw, mom

im having my second child soon

 

??

 

remember bby’s friends from bowling?

turns out kyungsoo goes by “Dabs Only”

the name of my theoretical second child

 

LOL

DOES CHEN KNOW

i feel like he would be proud

wait. is it his child this time?

 

kinda

it’s either his or time’s

 

oh shit

should we get a paternity test?

 

excuse u

im the dad

 

but ur having the kid

 

but chenchen’s my wife

 

oh.

fair enough

maternity test, it is, then

 

i’ll let u know the results before i tell jongdae

im scared it will shock him too much

 

scared he’ll run out?

 

how can he in this position?

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[IMG attachment]

 

HAHAHAHA

get off him before he suffocates

 

never

he’s mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so with krisho back and sailing (woohoo for uncomfortable kitchen sex LOL), i guess that means the end of this fic is near~
> 
> and now i shall go to sleep


	28. more than ive ever been

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm actually falling asleep typing this...gnight

**BAEKHYUN (L) AND XIUMIN (R)**

 

parent

 

yes child?

 

um

 

hold up

why do u call me parent btw

im daddy

 

well

hypothetically, ur mom cuz u “had” me

yet u insist on being dad

 

cuz chenchen is my wife

 

not yet

 

i can never make u happy

i work so hard to raise u

and this is how u repay me?

bashing ur mother's and my relationship?

we may not be married legally but he for sure is my wife

im gonna need to have a little talk with u, son

 

LOLOLOL

ok “daddy”

wtv u say “dad”

pop

papa

apa

abeoji

chichi

otou

whatever dad is in any other language

 

good.

im proud of u studying ur languages

pls bring honor to this household

 

will do

oh yeah

before i forget

 

hm?

 

r u free rn?

 

mhm

why? wanna meet up?

 

yeah, actually

 

FATHER SON BONDING???

:DDDDD

 

minseok, srsly

chill for once

lololol

 

ik u and chanyeol love it

 

yes, we do

but rn we need to discuss plans

 

mkay

 

can u meet me at the mall?

the one where they hold all the video game promotional events

 

is there one today?

 

no, but I'm bored

i wanna hang out

 

wb yeollie?

 

chanyeol’s busy

kyungsoo and jongin (the bowling guys) r busy, too

 

ur being conspired against, ya know

all ur friends r leaving u

 

gee thanks

 

i’ll gladly come hang out

<3

 

k great

wear something a little nice

 

why?

 

im wearing fancy clothes cuz i had a thing earlier

i dont wanna look out of place

pls come dressed up

dont leave me standing out like this

 

lololol ok

will do

[IMG attachment]

[IMG attachment]

which one is more ur taste?

 

uhhh

the blue one

 

mkay

what r we gonna do in these fancy clothes tho?

is there a party or something?

oooh we should go to a nice restaurant

 

haha

maybe

r u coming?

how long r u gonna take, bro?

 

“bro”

im hurt

 

oh suck it up

BRO

 

:<

 

:>

 

on my way~

i’ll be there in 15

maybe

 

**—**

 

**CHEN (L) AND BAEKHYUN (R)**

 

he just left

u got about 15 minutes

ready?

 

more than ive ever been

 

great

 

thanks, again, baek

u have no idea how much this means to me

 

when the time comes, u can pay me back through switching roles

i’ll let u know when i need ur help

 

anytime, baek

ur the best

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> minseok is #gullible here
> 
> just saying


	29. flowers (pt.1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the language of flowers is my favorite language

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's so short. #rip

Dressed in a pink and gray suit, Minseok made his way to the mall. Upon his arrival, a small flower shop booth that was set up outside caught his attention.

 

He changed his route to meet Baekhyun and ventured over to the small make-shift shop. Flowers were a weakness for Minseok. They reminded him of Jongdae ever since Baekhyun mentioned his houseplant named Chen.

 

_Maybe I should get something for our house?_ Minseok pondered as he lifted one of the plants. 

 

Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a bouquet of small pink and blue flowers with wisps of white baby’s breath. Next to it was a slip of paper that read the meanings of all the flowers.

 

He picked up the sign, selecting which flower best described his love for Chen. He giggled softly as he found himself ridiculous, looking at flowers and determining which one matched with his feelings.

 

_What the hell am I doing?_ he wondered as he took a photo of the small paper. In case he was to return later and the shop was still there. _Maybe Chennie would like some._

 

Moments later, he entered the mall and met up with his friend. 

 

“You fucking lying snake, Baek. You’re not even dressed that nicely and you tell me to come all fancied up? Now I stand out so much,” Xiumin laughed as he complained to the younger.

 

Baekhyun eyed him, “Why’d you go with pink, though? If you didn’t wanna stand out, then why didn’t you go with something more subtle and less gigolo-like?”

 

Minseok rolled his eyes before noticing his ringing phone. “Yes, my love?” he answered, recognizing the caller ID as his boyfriend’s, “you need something?”

 

“Uh, where are you right now?” the other asked.

 

“Mall. With Baekhyunnie. I’ll gladly ditch him to hang out with you, though,” he heard Baekhyun sigh from behind. “Why, what’s up?”

 

“I’m near the mall, actually. Go outside the main entrance. I’ll pick you up from there,” Jongdae directed. “Oh, and tell Baekhyun that I’m sorry for stealing you.” Minseok smiled at the muffled laughter from the other end.

 

“Will do, Chennie. I’ll meet you outside.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *builds anticipation* LOL


	30. he's perfect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CLARIFICATION FOR WHEN THIS CHAPTER TAKES PLACE: right before Chen's convo with Baek from the previous chapter. That short convo is at the end. You'll understand when you get there lol.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So i was just on a plane for 5 hours and wrote this (and the next chapter) within 1 hour. I havent slept in the past 21 maybe 22 hours and now it's super early in the morning in another state (USA) and i have things to do, so i wont be sleeping for another 16 or so hours. 
> 
>  
> 
> i wanna sleep #help

For weeks, maybe even months, Jongdae had been dedicating so much time to plan his proposal. 

 

“Dude, there’s no way he’d say no. Are you stupid or what? He literally calls you his wife to everyone. He even introduced you as that the other day. You said so yourself. Why the fuck are you so hesitant about this whole thing?” Kris would berate over the phone after receiving his own scolding from Junmyeon who said that Minseok was worried about Jongdae’s recent lack of attention.

 

“You’re actually digging yourself deeper into a fucking hole. Probably your grave because this is obviously killing you. Does he _need_ such a fancy, thought-out proposal? You’re spending more time with your plan than with your actual boyfriend.”

 

Jongdae sighed, “It needs to be perfect.”

 

“Um, no it doesn’t.”

 

“Do you even know Minseok? He’s perfect. A perfect person deserves a perfect proposal.”

 

“You’re a fucking idiot. He’s nowhere near perfect. No one’s perfect. Get your head out of the clouds and put a fucking ring on his fingers for fuck’s sake,” Kris huffed over the phone as he grew increasingly more annoyed at the naive other.

 

“Well too late now ‘cause it’s all pretty much planned out. Just a few more details to think over. I think I’m gonna do it this week. 

 

“You better fucking do it tomorrow.”

 

“Maybe,” Jongdae half-promised, unsure if his preparations were complete or not.

 

**—**

 

**CHEN (L) AND BAEKHYUN (R)**

 

BAEK

 

CHEN

 

I NEED UR HELP

 

WHY

WHAT HAPPENED???

R U IN TROUBLE

WHY TEXT ME

MINSEOK IS PROBS MORE HELPFUL

 

i need u to call minnie out for me

 

where?

when?

 

sometime tomorrow

or today

if ur free

 

boy, im always free

 

u have a job

 

ye

but wtv

if this is ur proposal

then im always free

when, where, how

 

the mall

tomorrow or today

anytime actually

tell him to meet u there pls

 

ok

im going to the mall now

ill text him on the way

 

( ಠ _ ಠ )

u mean

right now?

????

???FD?A?!?!?!?!??!?FR?EAG?FSG??!?!??!!???GR?AG?EAR?

NOW???

LIKE

OH MY GOD

WAIT

 

texted him

he’ll be here soon

u better hurry tf up

 

WAIT NO

IM NOT READY

 

ur a liar

u said anytime

and uve been ready

for so long already

JUST FREAKING DO IT

 

ಠ _ ಥ

okay

 

dont u dare chicken out

it’s fucking time, chen

 

okay

*sweats nervously*

 

he just left

u got about 15 minutes

ready?

 

more than ive ever been

 

great

 

thanks, again, baek

u have no idea how much this means to me

 

when the time comes, u can pay me back through switching roles

i’ll let u know when i need ur help

 

anytime, baek

ur the best

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so baek lives real close to the mall apparently
> 
> idk how time passes in this fic tbh
> 
> 1 kudos/comment = 1 hour of sleep for me (i need support rn)


	31. swings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> let's just pretend gay marriage is okay e v e r y w h e r e. (◡‿◡✿)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> waos

After what felt like hours of doing breathing exercises in hope of settling his nerves, Jongdae waited in his car for Minseok, eyes glued to the mall entrance. He sat there reciting and practicing what he had planned. 

 

_Everything will be just fine. It will all work out. It will be perfect,_ he chanted internally as he watched for his lover to exit.

 

What he didn’t expect was his boyfriend looking so goddamn good in a fancy soft pink suit with gray accents. He swallowed, feeling his nerves spiking once again.

 

_Oh shit, not again. Calm, Jongdae. Calm. You got this. Everything will be just fine. It will all work out._

 

Pep-talk aside, Chen’s anxiety did not cease. As the elder approached, the younger found himself forgetting to breathe, fiddling with the small, delicate ring in his pocket. 

 

Noticing Minseok heading for the driver’s side, Jongdae rolled down his window. He chuckled as he gave the other a questioning look. 

 

“What are you doing? Get in,” he laughed.

 

Minseok gave him a chaste kiss on the lips and giggled. “Hold on, I have to go get something. It’ll take less than five minutes,” he promised as he leaned in for another peck before jogging off. 

 

Jongdae, appreciating the view, forgave the other for delaying his plans. He probably subconsciously was thanking his boyfriend for inadvertently and unknowingly giving the younger more time to mentally prepare himself.

 

As if he needed it.

 

Finally ready and confident enough to follow through with his perfected plan, Jongdae gave his attention to the figure rounding the car and entering through the passenger side. 

 

“See? Four minutes. Less than five,” he beamed. Jongdae melted at the sight of the other’s soft expression. He reached a hand over to the elder’s face and caressed his cheek. 

 

“I love you,” he mumbled.

 

“Of course you do, you dummy. I love you, too,” he giggled, pressing his lips against the inner side of the younger’s wrist. “So what’s the plan? Have anything fun in mind?”

 

Jongdae scratched his head before holding the back of his neck. He swallowed nervously again. “Uh, yeah. I kinda wanted to go somewhere,” he trailed off.

 

“Where? Hmm?” the elder pestered.

 

Jongdae gripped his boyfriend’s hand. “It’s a secret,” he grinned as the other dramatically pouted.

 

“Oh, by the way, what’d you go back in the mall for?”

 

Minseok smirked. “Secret,” he mocked.

 

The younger rolled his eyes, letting it slide because the other would not pry for his secret if he let this one be. “Mhm. Okay,” he hummed as he kissed Minseok’s hand. 

 

“What do you want for dinner tonight?”

 

“This early? You’re thinking of dinner before lunch?” he laughed. “You’re so cute. I’ll have anything. You gonna cook? Or do you want me to?”

 

“Take out?”

 

“Jjajjangmyeon?”

 

“With fried tofu and stir fry veggies maybe.”

 

“Got it. I’ll order when we get home.”

 

The two couldn’t help but smile over how domestic they’ve become over the months. Minseok tilted his head to the side as he glanced at his boyfriend, playing with his long fingers. 

 

“Lucky,” he whispered. “I’m so fucking lucky.”

 

“Huh? What’d you say?” the younger asked, catching the older’s stare for a brief moment before looking back to the road.

 

The elder leaned forward and kissed the younger’s sharp jaw, giggling lightly, breath tickling the other’s skin. 

 

They arrived at a place Minseok had never been to before. He took in his surroundings, noticing a small swing attached to the lowest hanging, thick branch of a tall, sturdy tree.

 

“This is my happy place,” Jongdae stated simply. “It’s where I spent most of my time as a child when I wasn’t in school. It’s not too far from our current house, so sometimes I would come here when I needed to think.”

 

Minseok watched the younger reminisce as he brushed the rope of the swing with his hand. 

 

The younger came from behind and placed his hand atop the other’s on the rope.

 

“I stopped coming here a little under a year ago when we started dating. I had less to think about, fewer things to be unhappy over,” he nuzzled into the crook of the elder’s neck and smiled against the skin. “I have nothing to be sad about, but I started coming here again recently.”

 

Minseok reached for the other’s free arm and wrapped it around his own waist. 

 

“I’ve had a lot to think about, a lot to plan.” He paused, taking a step back. Jongdae came to Minseok’s front and placed his hands on the elder’s shoulders, directing him to sit on the makeshift swing.

 

He moved to behind the swing and began pushing lightly. “Close your eyes. It makes the swing much more enjoyable,” he instructed as he stepped to the side to watch his boyfriend.

 

The swing ceased momentum and the elder kept his eyes shut. Jongdae stood before the other and placed a soft, loving kiss on the other’s forehead.

 

“This took me an entire month to figure out, you know,” he muttered, earning a confused look from the elder.

 

He took Minseok’s left hand in his and slid a small, rose gold band on the ring finger. “You’ve taken over my home, my heart, and now my special hideaway place. You've also become my home, my heart, and my safe place. 

 

“I’m happy where I am now and want to stay like this forever. You are my world, galaxy, universe. My everything. As sappy and cheesy as this may be, I love you too much to even care about making this subtle.

 

“Not much will change with marriage since we already live together and act like a married couple. But that doesn’t matter to me. I just want you to be mine forever,” he finally let himself gaze into the other’s eyes.

 

Minseok’s expression, soft and intense, brought butterflies to the younger’s stomach. He had never seen this look on the other’s face and could’ve sworn the elder’s eyes were glistening with warm, wet tears, threatening to escape.

 

“I’m already with you forever. You’re my best friend and I will never stop loving you. Let’s go back, I’m getting hungry,” he mused as he got up from the swing and started to the car, leaving Jongdae dazed and confused.

 

_He didn’t answer. Shit, wait. I didn’t even ask. Oh my god, I screwed up. Goddammit._

 

The younger swiftly made his way to the driver’s seat with the elder already in the car.

 

“Um, Minnie. Will you marry me?”

 

“My answer,” the elder simply smiled before reaching into a bag and taking out a small white violet plant. He handed the flower over to the flustered other, adding, “Well this worked out fantastically.”

 

Jongdae looked at him, silently asking a million questions. He then looked at the small labeled card attached to the plant.

 

“Meaning of White Violets: _Let’s take a chance on happiness,_ ” the card read.

 

“Of course I will marry you, my lovely, lovely wife,” he cooed, pressing his lips against the other’s. “I. Love. You. So. Much,” he whispered between kisses. “Let’s go home.”

 

“I’m already there,” the younger breathed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im obsessed with flower meanings
> 
>  
> 
> i still need support (//ಥ//_//ಥ//)
> 
> I'm marking this complete for now btw.  
> lmk if u want more or not hehe


	32. do u need an exorcism or smth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BONUS CHAPTER! (I can't believe I'm adding to this lol.)
> 
> Sorry I've been so inactive lately. I've had seriously no time to write in the past month(s). It makes me sad. I have a midterm tomorrow and here I am adding to this xiuchen fic. srsly bless xiuchen. <3

so

…

 

so?

 

so it’s almost christmas

 

yes?

 

and ur not here 

…

with me

:<

 

:(

 

why did u go abroad without me again?

what possessed u

u demon

do u need an exorcism or smth

 

:/

how many times do i need to remind u?

lol

when kris was in Shanghai, he met some ppl who could help me

like get better jobs and stuff

 

bbbbbut Shanghai…..?

 

min, how many times?

i swear

u never listen

 

THAT’S CUZ I DONT WANT TO

 

they have branches in Korea

i just have to meet with them here

 

（┬┬＿┬┬）

 

what is it, minnie?

 

u wont be here for christmas

:<

i dont want a christmas without u, chen chen

 

me neither

u know how much id rather be back home with u rn?

it’s been too long since I’ve seen ur face

 

[IMG Attachment]

 

irl

 

oh

lol

 

i’ll be back as soon as i can

ok?

 

…

ok

i’ll wait

i guess

 

go have some ramyun or something

 

it’s not the same without my wife

 

:|

just eat ur ramyun

i’ll be there before u even know it

 

u better

or imma go split up that bitch ass gucci couple 

and take back what was originally mine

L U H A N

 

u better not, u little mochi fucker

 

uh excuse me, ur the mochi fucker

i even got the tapes to prove it

 

i thought u deleted those

 

i like to relive our good ol’ times

since ur not here with me

 

isn’t it awkward

hearing urself

 

¯\\_( ツ )_/¯

it wouldn’t be so awkward if u came back

and it was real

and not recorded

 

i try, minnie

be patient

 

but christmas

 

i’ll get u something good for christmas

 

i just want u

and ur body

 

ofc u do

lol

i gtg

another meeting

i love u, minnie

dont u fucking forget that, u bitch

 

mhm

love u, too

u boring fuck

♡

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also, i got a new houseplant.


	33. and these shoes

christmas is tomorrow

 

i have a calendar

i know

 

minnie, stop being so bitter about it

do u have plans for the holiday?

 

:[

 

:]

 

im going over to our bby’s place for dinner

and a small party

 

oh baek?

who else is gonna be there?

 

idk

he said he invited the ppl from our dinner party thing

and some others he went to school with

work friends

idk

 

u cant say “idk” when u know

lol

 

hhhh

oh well

 

u sound so solemn

wanna facetime?

 

we always ft

it’s not the same

i miss u

come home

 

u really want me to come home

dont u?

 

who wouldnt?

(// ಥ //_// ಥ //)

 

i love u, min

have fun at the party

eat lots of food, ok?

 

why does this sound like a goodbye?

 

oh for fuck’s sake

let me be a sweet caring wife

without thinking there’s something wrong

ok?

 

m

 

geez im here trying to show my love

through texts

which seems to be ineffective

i dont like u sad, min

if i could, i would come back

id come back right now if possible

pls cheer up, k?

 

ok

srry

i love u

 

mmm

so what r u gonna wear tomorrow?

 

[IMG attachment]

and these shoes

[IMG attachment]

 

LOL

the outfit looks so hot

but those shoes, min

im crying

HAHAHA

 

ikr

they wont see it coming

>:D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just look up "christmas shoes" on google images or something and i'll leave it to your imagination LOL


	34. it's one of a kind

hi

 

hi

 

hey

 

hiya

 

i love u

 

love u too

 

i got u a present

it’s coming in the mail

 

oh?

 

u should expect it sometime today or tomorrow

hopefully today

 

what is it?

 

a surprise

 

（￣ ^ ￣）

 

just be patient

u’ll like it

it’s cute

i put a lot of thought into it

it’s one of a kind

 

omg chenchen

u actually made me something?????

it’s not one of ur dumb amazon prime orders again?

 

idk what that’s supposed to mean

-.-

but no, it wasn’t bought online

u can say it’s homemade

 

(⑅ ॣ•͈૦•͈ ॣ)꒳ᵒ꒳ᵎᵎᵎ

im excited, chennie

 

u should be

♡

 

**—**

 

** CHEN (L) AND BAEKHYUN (R) **

 

lmk when ur plane lands and i’ll send chan over to pick u up

 

ok

thanks so much, baek

 

no prob

have a safe flight

see u in a few

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> accidentally keeps adding chapters lol


	35. little white flowers, a swing, and a car

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day~

Just as Jongdae had told him, Minseok received a small package the following day. He gleefully and carefully cradled it to the living room, anticipation rising with every step.

 

“I wonder what it could be. Ohmygod my Chennie’s hands touched this box. Ohmygosh it smells like him,” he rambled with each motion, opening the box.

 

To his surprise, there was a small handmade card inside, decorated with drawings of little white flowers, a swing, and a car. 

 

_Call me when you read this,_ it read.

 

Minseok sat in silence for a moment. “What if I don’t wanna?” he sarcastically said to no one as he reached for his phone, immediately dialing his husband’s number.

 

“Min?”

 

“Who else?”

 

“Are you really gonna be sassy with me right now?”

 

“No,” he chuckled. “I got the card. Nice choice of packaging, by the way. Is it a new trend to send empty boxes with cards?”

 

Minseok teased the other as he lovingly held the card.

 

“I’m glad you called,” Jongdae smiled. Minseok could hear it in his voice.

 

“I’m glad I did, too,” he replied, loneliness slyly creeping up on him.

 

“I miss you.”

 

“Mmm,” Minseok couldn’t form words with the sudden surge of emotion.

 

“I want to see you. It’s been so long.”

 

A soft sniffle followed a heavy silence. 

 

The two weren’t used to being apart. Any length of time apart would feel like ages.

 

Jongdae felt sorry for leaving Minseok alone for longer than expected, but he knew the benefits, in the long run, would help both of them out. He would be able to support Minseok for the rest of his life without worry if these meetings he’d been attending went successfully.

 

“C-can we facetime?” Minseok finally spoke.

 

“Uhhh, I can’t right now. Sorry,” Jongdae apologized. “Actually, I think I have to end the call right now. I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”

 

“Mmm.”

 

“I love you.”

 

“Mmm.”

 

Jongdae knew Minseok wasn’t happy with him right then. He never denied a video call.

 

Minseok worried. He knew the other would never do anything to harm their relationship, so he was worried about how much they were working him over there that he couldn’t talk for more than a few minutes.

 

Unbeknownst to Minseok, who was too wrapped up in his own thoughts, the door to the house opened quietly and an all too familiar guest let himself in. 

 

He stealthily crept to behind the seat Minseok was in and abruptly enveloped the elder in a tight back hug.

 

“You didn’t say it back,” he mumbled into the other’s soft hair.

 

“Chen?! My Chennie??!?!? Is that really you? Oh my gosh it really is you. You’re back. You fucker, why’d you do this to me?” Tears were flowing out with every word. Minseok stood up and turned into the other’s emotional hug.

 

Jongdae used a thumb to wipe away the elder’s hot tears and left his hand rested on his cheek.

 

“You still didn’t say it. I’m offended,” he pretended.

 

Minseok lifted his chin to fit his lips against Jongdae’s. 

 

“I love you, my lovely wife” he finally said, smiling against the other’s.

 

“Love you, too, Min.”

**Author's Note:**

>  
> 
> i h8 myself for writing this LOL  
> pls leave comments <3


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